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revolution action
I can't believe the shit that's gone down this week.
A military helicopter flew over the neighborhood for an hour and a half, literally shaking our house, it was flying so low. Have no idea what that was about, but I was terrified. I was ready for the raid.
At the same time as the helicopter, there was a very bright light in the sky, unlike anything I have ever seen in my life. It seemed like a planet, but it was so bright it had beams of light radiating off it. It was in the west, moving very very slowly north. Then, it became obscured, then disappeared. Not long after, the helicopter left.
There was a lunar eclipse at the same time as all this other shit.
And the full moon.
And a comet passed by earth later in the evening.
And I had to work and go about my life as if everything was normal and OK. Having to go there day after day and pretend I'm not an alcoholic and I'm not hearing voices and I'm not ready to shove someone in front of traffic is sapping every bit of my strength.
Trying not to drink. It's pretty much impossible.
I put a card in a picture frame I bought last year, and found a Polaroid of a couple inside with a love poem and a weird postcard. Dressed like farmers, typed “American Gothic Romance” on the white frame of the photo. Hidden away and then discarded like I'm assuming the relationship was, eventually.
And we're all fucked with nuclear radiation from Japan.
And I keep having to fight to get my birth control prescription filled and charged to me correctly. What, do they really want unwanted mentally ill children out there?
Not that it matters, since I never have sex.
Who can get in the mood when the level of stress never gets to low tide? I keep grinding my teeth and have dreams that doctors are trying to pierce my eardrums and wake up screaming in pain.
And fuck all this shit. So I just try to focus on my immediate life. On surviving.
Picked out the garden seed for the spring. Just waiting for money in order to be able to buy them.
Did the dishes every day this week. Standing at the sink in the same spot staring at the spice rack with dishpanned hands.
Want to buy several new albums. Sims. NIN.
Still waiting for the tax return so I can funnel it all back into our bustling economy.
Watched the new Depeche Mode video last night. They look like 3 old men. Wrinkled and crusty and stubbly. It was shocking. Seeing them look so old makes me feel old. Makes me realize how much time has really passed since I was even close to conscious.
Most of my life wasted in a semi-conscious state as some sort of survival mechanism.
And then I watch an episode of “Hoarders” and realize it could always be worse.
I keep giving in to whatever and my brain hurts more every day.
1:17 PM - Tuesday, Feb. 14, 2017
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