oh well what the hell

I am stuck in this house with my future ex-husband and his transgender parent visiting from Alaska. What kind of sick fucking karma am I working off here? Seriously, what did I do in a past life to warrant such massive shit?

How am I making it through this without drinking, drugs, or even coffee? I don't know. But I am. I'm in the middle of the sobriety apocalypse for sure.

One week until court, then maybe I can get out of all this. I feel like I'm in the middle of a modern David Lynch movie.

It's ugly and it makes no sense.

They went for a walk so I have a few minutes to myself and all I can do is rattle around inside my own brain. My cat has been hiding under the bed ever since transgender parent has arrived. I don't blame her. I wish I could join her.

I turned down a booty call from some random Ukrainian guy last week. Really, what is wrong with me? I had to sleep in a hotel all alone, because my husband was being so psychotic he was running around screaming at strangers that they are all pigs and deserved to die. He wouldn't stop following me around screaming at me. I couldn't take anymore. I had nowhere to go so I had to check into a hotel.

I don't know why I pushed this stranger away, except I had just been through this psychotic shit. The essence of “bad timing”. And I'm not used to people hitting on me. Instead of sleeping alone, I could have been getting my phreak on with some random guy. That approached me in the park when I was picking up goose feathers. And kept telling me I was “very, very hot” with a sexy Eastern European accent. I should have gotten his number at least. Totally missed opportunity.

Putting it that way, it doesn't sound so nice.

Obviously, it's not who I am, but often it's how I wish I could be.

I don't owe anyone anything, but I keep playing these dutiful roles.

10:19 AM - Wednesday, Jun. 20, 2018


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