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what to do, what to do
I have a job interview at 2 pm at the public library. I've been trying to get a job there for about 12 years. But obviously, the only way they will consider hiring me is if I am cleaning the floor and have nothing to do with the books.
I have a feeling they will offer me a job. They better. I have over 8 years of cleaning experience at the same hotel. That's pretty much unheard of unless someone is a supervisor or manager. This library job is Monday-Thursday 6-9:30 AM. I currently work Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It seems like it means something.
I really don't know what to do. I tried to self-sabotage myself by drinking half a bottle of rum and 2 7.2% beers and then finishing off the last of the over-proofed peppermint schnapps last night. I thought I would be too hung over to go, but I got up at 8 AM with just a slight headache. I am extremely high functioning and have that great inherited Irish-Scottish-German tolerance so I am actually just fine. It's pathetic how much alcohol I can consume and how little it affects me anymore. I don't recommend someone get into a drinking contest with me. You'd be under the table and I'd probably kick you while you were down there.
Yeah yeah. Need to cut back. No shit, sherlock. Need to do lots of things, like yoga and go out for hikes more. And I need to mow the lawn and paint the bathroom and clean the basement and blah blah. There's always something that needs fixing.
So I will be going to this interview. Really don't want to. I really don't like having to do shit like this. I don't like having to make decisions that will affect the rest of my life and the life of my family.
And do I even have to mention that I am NOT a morning person?
So, what am I supposed to do? Work 7 days a week for a few weeks to see if this job is any good so I don't sabotage the hotel gig? The sad part is, I will still have to keep Sundays at the hotel so we have enough money to pay bills. I could be yet another privileged American with two jobs.
“I hate money cuz it makes me numb.” --MIA
The library has got to be a billion gazillion jillion times easier than the hotel. No guests, no sports teams, no yuppie weddings, no hick weddings, no Mayo clinic patrons treating me like I am a nurse, no hospital waste, no perfume clouds, no waiting for hours for late check outs to finally leave, no psycho drama from co workers.
There are only 4 people on the custodial staff for the library. 4 people. I would hope that would make the day a lot easier. Cleaning a lobby that got cleaned the night before can't be all bad.
Part of me really thinks I should just keep the status quo operational. Just keep going in my 3 days a week at a job I truly hate. The pros and cons of both are about equal. Having to deal with the change would be the hardest thing. Do I really want to work 5 days a week? Even though 4 of them are half days, I would still have to get up and leave the house 5 days a week like a mindless worker zombie.
Is it worth it to have a city job? A much, much easier job? Less pay for less responsibility? Could it be a “foot in the door” for some other city job down the line?
I hate that on paper the only job I can get is cleaning up other people's messes. It's my own fault and I could change it, but I am too busy doing art and writing to go into even more debt to get some job I will hate, it just pays more.
I tried working in an office. It really didn't work out.
Is it too late to get a job that will take me to the Amazon so I can get abducted by one of those undiscovered tribes?
So, I thought writing this might help me decide what to do, but it hasn't. I guess I have to wait to see if they even offer me a job. This is the second interview, though, so it's a good possibility they will offer it to me.
It would make my life really simple if they didn't offer me a job. It would take any decision making pressure right off.
You'd like that, wouldn't you, you fucking lazy amotivational cunt?
11:16 AM - Thursday, Jun. 11, 2015
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