----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A commune of none We watched a documentary called "American Commune". It's about sisters that were raised on "The Farm" in the late 70s- early 80s. The Farm was the largest and most successful commune in America, and it was presided over by a guy named Steven Gaskin. It was a good documentary, well made, etc. I have always been interested in that place. I met Gaskin once. He was pretty much a total prick. I was really disappointed, because we had traveled to Michigan from Minnesota just to see him. Of course he was very old by then, and I'm pretty sure he's dead now, but he really thought he was super human. I guess when you have thousands of people treating you like a Guru or a god for a few decades, that kind of ego trip really gets to you. I think a true leader wouldn't let himself get into that sort of position, and it really scares me how easily the masses are willing to attach themselves to an individual and follow them and do whatever they say. It's a fine line between cult and commune, I guess. It was a little triggering for me, though. Brought back all my childhood memories of being raised by hippies. It wasn't the easiest childhood, because I really was the only one in school that was raised by hippies. All of my classmates' parents were a lot younger than my parents. The kids I knew were all the oldest or middle child in their family, and I was the youngest in my family. That was hard, too. Not as easy to relate. It was made more difficult when my parents did things like come with me on the first day of school every year to yell at the teacher and make sure they didn't try to force me to recite the pledge of allegiance every morning with the rest of the kids. Once in awhile there was a Jehovah Witness kid that wasn't allowed to say it either, but usually it was just me. I think some teachers really hated my parents for this and took it out on me. I had some really horrible teachers that did things that I hope they would fire teachers for in a second now a days. And of course the "no war toys' thing where they would let me have Star Wars figures, but they took all the weapons away. Someone in the documentary mentioned they had that experience too and it just made me laugh. I wasn't allowed to have water pistols, or even water balloons, or any sort of toy that might in the slightest emulate war or warlike acts.. Of course, I took toothpicks and replaced the weapons for my Star Wars figures with those. They fit perfectly in their little molded plastic hands. And my mom would have a major fit. I don't know if it's just human nature, or if it was pressure from my friends to have weapons so I could play with them the way they wanted to play. "It gets into your core and affects your psyche," someone said in the documentary. Talking about being raised in an "alternative" lifestyle. Your early years really do form a lot of who you end up being as an adult. That's when brainwave patterns are mostly established that you carry with you for the rest of your life. They talked about how they were raised to believe they were going to change the world, and the weight that they still feel on their shoulders from that early indoctrination. I know exactly how they feel. Except they had an entire farm full of people there for support and to share experiences with. I had my folks, and a little bit my brothers. And that's pretty much it. I don't envy them being raised in a commune, I find the whole idea a little creepy. But I do envy the sense of community they got to have. I never have felt like I have support or even understanding. It's still really difficult. I never ever feel like I fully fit in. I have a hard time finding people I can relate with, let alone can have a conversation with. My childhood experiences, although not unique, are not as common as most people in my generation. The best I can hope for is a person or people who at least try to understand somewhat. My husband was raised by a hippie too, but he had a very different youth than I did. Still, there are enough similarities where we can support each other. It's exhausting having to try to explain why you think what you think all the time to someone before you can just express yourself. It's part of why I usually choose to just isolate and don't enjoy having to talk with people, especially new people. I've never found "my people" or "my place" and at this age I don't think I ever will. I know my parents had nothing but good intentions. That was pretty much how the sisters in the documentary summed up their childhoods as well. You just accept it and try to move on. And know that it always could be, and can be, worse. 2:10 PM - Tuesday, May. 30, 2023 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||