My mom passed away from a sudden heart attack at the end of December. They kept her hooked up to machines until January 2nd. That is the official date of death, but her brain was gone for days before that.

I had to go down to Iowa to help out my dad. He has progressive Multiple Sclerosis and advanced diabetes. He was a man of 6''4” and now he is shriveled into a little ball, barely able to drag himself from his chair in the living room to the toilet in the bathroom. His hands are constantly shaking. His speech is often too hard to understand from the stammers brought on by his disease.

Not only did I have to help my dad plan every single detail of my mom's memorial, I had to take care of him. My mom did everything for him. And now she's gone. And my dad is all alone in his house with no one to care for him.

I had to get home, get back to work, make some money. We are about $200 shy of being able to pay mortgage this month. I had to miss two weeks of work, which means my next paycheck will be $0. Also, they switched systems at work, and I did not get my paycheck yesterday. Who knows when I will get it.

These have been the worst three weeks of my life.

And that's saying a lot. I've been through some shit before.

I miss my mom.

Last night my husband and I watched an episode of Start Trek TNG and I fell asleep about two minutes into it. When it was over, my husband gently tried to wake me so I could get ready for bed. I was pretty much asleep already, but when I opened my eyes and looked up at him, I had no idea who he was. No recognition at all. I got terrified. I didn't know where I was, either. I think I screamed. He freaked out. It finally came back to me. I remember saying, “Am I home?”

4:13 PM - Saturday, Jan. 13, 2018


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