-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last two poems of 2022 (good riddance)

"Anhedonia and Nostalgia"

everyone I know is looking
to microdose death
just a little check out
just a little too much
self medication for an
imposed societal
norm
conform or corrupt
gold star bribes
federal star
identification
lamination
of the heart valves
keep loving
keep fighting
fist in the air
feet to the sky
only works
before you realize
they've massacred all
you ever hoped to
care about
then made a video
tutorial on
how you can do the same
to someone else
self righteous
lost packages
ludicrous hemorrhages
twitching breast meat
skipping heart beat
it's not the heat
it's the humanity
it's so sad
anymore
he lies in the dark room
on the bed
on his back
practicing
for the big day
like a corpse in a coffin
in a black hole of
anhedonia and nostalgia
sucking all joy out of
all the days of anyone
that wanders too close
frozen on the horizon
of what could have
should have been
the culminating stench
of failed
detox
addiction
transference
blue
screen of death
on a
blackened burned
out soul
________________________________

"Exactly."

I've been making art
most of my life
came out puking rainbow
colors and burning blue
a great beginning but
it's slowed down in the middle
a little
there's really no excuse
except the usual one.
Been start-stopping my way
to obscurity
finger painted butcher paper
razor sharp paper cuts
scissor cut skin
skinny brain holes
psychology is pseudo-science
talking doesn't help
it just reminds me of what
I've lost
big pharma doesn't help
it just keeps me numb
(and harmless)
so I've decided I'll
let paint be
my therapist and
I speak it out
that way
no pills go in
no words go out
and I color code
the days
but lately
I feel like
it's not enough
even though
it's something.
I feel like nothing I
do is good
or
enough
so I keep trying.
You should have
kept trying too.
Often I think I should be
more like you
were
out on the streets
in the middle of the night
doing nice things like
decorating the abandoned post office
and planting native seeds on
the parking,
climbing trees to the top
and burning down
nonsensical government buildings
and feeding raccoons.
Be careful with each other
so we can be
dangerous together
you said,
Exactly
I replied,
and then you disappeared.
Why is it the greatest
people live
the shortest amount of time
but the assholes linger on
and on
making everyone
miserable?
All I can think to do
to fight the state
of this reality
is to try to
color outside the lines
a little more
everyday
to try to live
a way that would
make you
proud.

2:56 PM - Friday, Dec. 30, 2022

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next