----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- tickets for the dancing dog We had to call in a plumber the other day. It sucked, but the plumbing in this house is an ongoing battle and I'm not qualified to fight in that kind of war so we had to call in the professionals. It got taken care of with not too much suffering. Of course now I'll be paying off a credit card for the entire year 2023 but that's my reality now. Maybe poverty will help me lose weight. The plumber was pretty nice considering the neighbor full on screamed at him for parking in his driveway, then the crackheads tried to steal copper pipe out of his truck, and he was already working on overtime. He was tired and had plans but he had to come our house instead. So yeah, he was nice enough, considering. I gave him a pop, which doesn't make up for a damn thing but he seemed to really appreciate it. Thing is, he really reminded me of my friend K. If K wasn't severely mentally ill and a hard drug addict and if he was able to make a career for himself in some way. It was like seeing a Bizarro version of my friend. Just the way the plumber talked and his mannerisms and a little how he looked. This guy was more than a little attractive. And the whole thing just kind of freaked me out. Bizarro friend. Of course, K has never had a job. Ever. He's a rich kid with all the tough breaks. He is a meth addict and he definitely has various serious mental illnesses that are not treated in any sort of manner. And part of me thinks he is very likely dead. Or, he at least wants to be dead to me, so that's just how I have to think of him. If he's not dead, he has a birthday coming up in a few days. I hope he has a nice day. (He is so totally a Scorpio.) So, this plumber guy made me think a lot about a lot of things. I realized how I am still in the depths of social anxiety, and probably always will be. It just keeps changing form. I never used to be able to look people in the eyes, but now I just can barely speak to people I don't know. I hate being around people. I always feel like they are looking at me wondering WTF is my problem. I have lots of problems. I feel like an alien or a retard or a circus freak. It doesn't matter who it is, I get that impression from almost everyone in any walk of life. The only people that I don't get that vibe from are people that are so far gone, so far off the map of normal society that they are considered frightening or dangerous or both. The crazy, dirty people walking around talking to themselves, that's my fan base. Being raised by hippies is just like being raised by wolves. No matter how much they reprogram you, or how much you try to fit in, you are always going to be a little off. Maybe other people won't be able to put their finger on it, exactly, but you are marked for life. Well, the plumber said he liked my art on the walls and didn't charge us the full overtime cost because he said we were "cool" so I guess that's something. It's nice to know someone thinks I'm cool. 9:43 PM - Thursday, Nov. 03, 2022 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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