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she's not coming back

Every time I have to deal with a doctor's office I end up in tears anymore. All the times I have made the mistake of going in this town, anyway. I am fed up with it. Three for three now.

I am fed up with everyone in the medical profession simultaneously getting on my case that I don't go to the doctor's often enough, that I don't have a complete enough medical history and THEN acting like I am a hypochondriac that is just wasting their very precious time.

So, I'm fine, I guess. There's nothing wrong with me.Even if blood levels are above or below the normal range, well, that's fine. I'm just fine. Just go away.

If I don't take medication for my mental illness, if I try alternate management techniques then fuck off. If I am not willing to undergo questionable and expensive "routine" tests, then fuck off. If I refuse to get flu shots, I'm a danger to public health and fuck off. But if I go there with a legitimate problem that is scaring me, well, fuck off then as well.

I can't win.

All these asshole medical professionals should have to take a class in compassion or in just being a decent fucking human being before they go into a profession that deals so directly and so importantly with other human beings.

The note the nurse put in my chart is "She's not coming back." I didn't say I wasn't coming back. In fact, I think it's weird they didn't schedule a follow up to test my levels in 6 months or so, considering I had low levels, they recommended taking a supplement, and they still don't know why my body is shaking.

As far as I can tell, they just don't give a shit.

I'm back to square one of trying to figure out everything on my own.

3:03 PM - Friday, Feb. 11, 2022

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