----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- local junk shoppe Lately I've been having some regrets over the things I sold in bulk to the local junk store or gave away. But, it's done and over with and none of it is necessary to survival. I definitely did some "rage purging" when I was clearing out the house. I was a little upset that this fell on me, but I know I wouldn't be living here if I didn't take on the responsibility of clearing it out. Or, I would be living in very uncomfortable and unsafe conditions. My brothers are all a little freaked with how clear and open the house is. I got rid of tons (probably literally) of things. They have an even harder time letting go of the past than I do. In their mind it will always be mom and dad's house only it doesn't look anything like it did when they lived here except the paint on the walls. I'll get over the regret of not having some things. I will remember when we first got here that we had no room for our own things. We had to eat out on the porch when we first got here because there was nowhere to sit for all the stuff. This house needed to be cleaned. In order to clean it, I needed to remove things. I didn't really have the luxury of time to maybe make more sentimental decisions. I know our health is a lot better because I was able to really deep clean places that hadn't been touched in 30+ years. Things were moldy. Rotten. Destroyed from being hoarded. I realize now that I might be getting over the PTSD from having to move, and move again, and leave things behind. At least starting to get over it. If I think it's OK to have some non-essential things. I am not constantly thinking "I am going to have to move this again, is it worth it..." I feel a little more settled. And that's a good thing. I may not have come to this realization as soon if I still had all the extra "things" around. I'd probably still feel mostly overwhelmed and anxious to just declutter and get rid of. There is an empty shelf by the front door that I think I am going to decorate seasonally. I have a ton of fake flowers and little knick knacks and some heirloom items that I want to bring out and display. It's been forever since I did something like that to keep track of the passing seasons and it might be beneficial. If I don't like it, I'll stop. I did buy some paper mache bunny rabbits that I wanted to use for that. I wanted to mostly use what I had, but I'm thinking of dressing them up for the different seasons. They would be out for about half the year, I think. Since we don't celebrate the traditional Christian holidays like Easter, it would be more like the wheel of the year celebrations; equinoxes and solstices, etc...and I bought a wood plaque for 75 cents that I wanted to paint as the Irish flag with clovers on it for St.Pat's day. It would be cute if the little bunnies wore little green hats or something. I just have to be careful and keep myself from getting too much unnecessary things. I wish it was easier to be balanced and moderate myself. It's always good to be in touch with my mental state. I am a little annoyed with myself for just being so anxious and getting rid of so much, but I have to remember that I needed to do that at the time. I had to do most of it myself and I did the best I could. And I can't second guess my mood when it starts to switch over. New moon today. Not sure what sign it's in, but I definitely am feeling something. Maybe too much coffee. 4:21 PM - Tuesday, Feb. 01, 2022 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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