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shitstorm
Had to get up at 7 AM today to be ready for the CenturyLink tech to be here. They said we had to be here from 7:15 AM to 5 PM. For what they charge, that is a totally ridiculous thing to ask of someone. Take the whole day off work and wait around for your internet guy to show up. If you have a job, that is.
It wasn't such a big deal because I didn't sleep at all. The light from the new nightlight in the kitchen was throwing weird shapes on the wall because it changes color, had to unplug that. I kept thinking the shadows were people in the house. The red lights on the TV/ VCR were really bright for some reason. Any little amount of light just kept me up.
And I needed a cigarette. I had a pissy little speech in my head all ready to throw on my husband for him smoking all the clove cigarettes. We have to order them from Indonesia, it is a real hassle, we have to do a bulk order so it's a large chunk of money all at once, and I don't like to smoke anything else. But, instead of just going to the store and buying some American cigarettes for himself, he first smoked all the cloves and I haven't had any for several weeks now. It's just typical behavior for him. Selfish. No matter what drug it is, it comes first and maybe I will come in second. I don't smoke very often, but I still smoke and I'm still going through withdrawals and I'm fucking pissed.
I was just too tired to say anything when the time came. There's no point. He's just going to be a jerk about it and think I'm picking a fight. Would just be nice to have someone think of my needs once in a fucking while.
We had to have an alarm, because usually we sleep until noon lately (but I also stay up very late). I couldn't fall asleep because I was constantly checking the time so I could turn off the alarm before it went off. I used to have this problem when I worked and had to get up with an alarm. It doesn't matter what type of alarm it is. I went out of my way to get one that sounds like animals, as a therapist once suggested to get something more mellow to wake up to. It doesn't matter. I know there's going to be a noise that wakes me up that shouldn't be there. The anxiety never goes away until it's past the time for the alarm to go off. Usually I only sleep for a hour or so before my brain wakes me up and tells me to check the time. I got a clock that is not lit up, even, but now I just get up and go find the time somewhere else.
Welcome to the world of OCD and PTSD. Fun times.
The last big storm we had fried our modem. Apparently, it fried the entire DSL line as well. My husband got the modem to work off and on with a universal adapter. That was two weeks ago. There was a huge bolt of lightning and the next morning, no internet. I think it hit the neighbors tree or something. That was a crazy storm. I got a surge protector now, so I'm hoping this won't be an issue again. That and I plan on turning it off during any storm and at night.
But this was a major ordeal. They talked me into getting a faster speed internet, since it was much much faster and yet cheaper per month. The catch was the tech had to go all the way down the line, all the way through the neighborhood and do something with the line, install a second line to the house, and repair the original line because it wasn't working.
Then he had to drill a hole in the side of our house and put in the new line and we got a new modem that looks like an air freshener. My paranoia is running crazy, thinking it's spying on everything we say or do.
Yeah, I think things like that. It took me forever to accept that the microchip in my cat was not a spy device put there by the government.
I am really nervous what this is going to end up costing us, though. I know it will be more than a basic tech service charge. Our next bill was estimated at almost $300. I wouldn't be surprised if it's twice that.
We had 20 , now we have 100. Meg. I don't know. Whatever they calculate internet speed at. I am not a technology person. In fact, I hate it, but just like everyone else in modern America, I rely on it.
Not being able to get to my email makes me beyond anxious. I feel like I'm stranded on a tiny little island all alone. You know, that one little tiny island with the one palm tree in the middle of the ocean waiting for my message in a bottle to get somewhere. Like a cartoon character.
The tech was nice enough considering how much he had to do. He was here for at least an hour, not counting the time he had to leave and go work down the line. But I still disinfected the floors and the doorknobs and anywhere he touched or walked because I get paranoid about people being in my house.
I am so tired, queasy, stressed out. Once it cools down I might try to go for a walk to burn off some of this energy.
I don't know why I get to uptight about not having reliable access to the internet. No one contacts me most of the time anyway. Not a hit toward anyone, it's just true. I care a hell of a lot more than anyone cares about me.
4:59 PM - Tuesday, Sept. 07, 2021
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