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Swan Being
My husband's dad is dying in a hospital up in Alaska. About a month ago he was diagnosed with cancer, last week we were told it had spread faster than they expected and today we hear he is non-responsive and only expected to last a few days.
Maybe it's been two months. Not sure exactly. My sense of time is long gone.
And I should be saying "she". The whole transgender thing leaves me confused. When I knew my parent-in-law he had a huge bear beard and was a classic Alaskan type of guy. And it's hard to simply get used to that kind of change, but I try. I fail usually, but I try. No matter my personal opinions about things, I do believe everyone deserves respect and to live how they want as long as they aren't hurting anyone else.
Of course my husband is really down. Down on top of the down he already was. He sleeps about 18+ hours a day. I don't really know what I can do. I am hoping he will get out of it eventually. I basically feel like I live alone except I have more laundry and dishes to do.
My parent in law has been a very complicated character in my life. No matter what, no one deserves to suffer the way cancer makes a person suffer. Nature's revenge. Or maybe going against the creator for living so artificially. Or just random meaningless bullshit. I don't know.
The death of someone in the family always makes me take stock of things. Realign what is important and what is not. Although the death hasn't occurred yet, we all know it's going to happen soon. At least we hope so.
What matters, really? Is there any reason NOT to be kind to everyone, even (or maybe especially) those that have done you wrong?
Some things in life can not be forgiven, I think. Not in the cosmic sense. The karmic sense. But there is no reason why a human can't forgive another human. It's probably one of the hardest lessons, and most important things to be done for personal growth.
Her name is Swan, she had it legally changed when she started the gender reassignment drugs.
So, Swan, I hope you will have a gentle transition into the cosmos. You deserve it. You always made me feel like part of your family, for better or for worse. You are definitely one of a kind. Your passing will be a loss to this reality, and we will miss you.
7:22 PM - Monday, Apr. 12, 2021
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