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"I am looking at your mug shot"
it's the only image
I have of you
except the one that's in my mind.
It's frightening what thirteen years can do
to a person
let alone what we can do to others
and what we do for sure to ourselves
in that amount of time
assault possession thievery destruction
follows you wherever you go
or maybe you drag it behind you.
I ask myself
why do I plant flowers
when I know they are going to
get broken in half by addicts on a bad day
and die before their time?
I keep at it anyway
everywhere I go
one of the few things about me that is
consistent.
It's my folly.
By the same esteem
why send care packages
to indifference?
Folly again time and time again.
There was once a stray cat in my yard
it was howling at the screen
and when I opened the door
it walked right in to stay.
I didn't want to see that look in its eyes
getting more desperate day after day
matted fur
the smell of disease.
I have a problem
trying to fix the world's problems
feed the hungry
feed the addictions
pay the piper
pay off the
middle class
glass half full
guilt of not being that poor
anymore.
Homeless cats and homeless people
can have the same look in their eyes.
Do you want a new pet?
Feed them
give them their vitamins
scold them for acting wild.
You always made me feel not enough
whatever
not poor enough
not punk enough
not drunk enough
not tough enough
not woman enough
and it eats through my heart like
corrosives on tissue paper
because
I know if you had the option
you'd be sitting in your pre-fab house
hoarding your life away
eccentric not crazy
class jumping taken to a new level
only the reality is that is where you came from
not me.
Suburban kids gone bad
shunned from high society
because of a chemical imbalance
or a preference toward chemicals
shunned from views
out the window and college acceptance
and nuclear family values
to face total nuclear mental meltdown.
Some people are glowing from day one.
You didn't have a chance
can that be an excuse
do any of us stand a chance
against pre-planned trajectory?
Tell yourself it's not your fault
tell me you don't care you
pull up the sunflowers right
after they bloom
and
I try again next year.
Trying to save just one person
from themselves
is a Sisyphean feat.
The boulder never crushes me
it just never goes away.
This isn't poetry it's prose
ask any good editor
ask anyone's god-like figure
ask your mother
motherfucker.
12:24 AM - Sunday, Apr. 11, 2021
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