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rated for gory violence and strong language
Walked with two black garbage bags full of donations to a little thrift store in the neighborhood. The money goes to a church, but don't all thrift stores have connections to a church? I walk the few extra blocks to donate there instead of Salvation Army. After witnessing Sals back in Roch throw everything people donated in dumpsters for months on end, I am wary of giving anything to them. I would like useful things to find a new home, not be more landfill in an earth that is already bursting at the seams with garbage.
Our garage is FULL. We keep debating about a yard sale or not. Last time we made almost $400, which paid for the dumpster we had to rent to throw out all the things here that were destroyed in the hoard. Moldy mattresses and water damaged shelves and lots of "scrapbooks" of yellowed paper and moldy clothes and broken appliances and furniture.
I feel torn. Part of me wants this over. I want all this GONE so I can have my life back a little more. I am sick of churning through the STUFF trying to decide what to sell online and what to sell at a yard sale and what to donate or just recycle. It's such a relief every time something leaves this house and I know I will never have to deal with it again.
Part of me knows that a lot of it is worth something. Some money. Money that will go directly into savings to buy land so I can get out of this rat wheel that is living in the city.
But it is a lot of work. Taking photos and writing descriptions and packaging and selling on ebay or cleaning things up and pricing for a yard sale and where to keep everything until it is yard sale season?
I'd like to get a bike, but until the garage is cleaned out, I don't feel like I should, because I'd have nowhere to put it.
I could use a day off, but the last time I took a day off from dealing with the stuff I spent all day pulling weeds and picking up garbage and getting sunburned and a little sick.
i'd like to do some art or write or even just sit around and read, but I am really compelled to deal with all this stuff. My OCD is hyperactive when I have things I HAVE to do. The things to do just sit in the back of my brain scraping holes into my skull like a prisoner in a cell. I can't relax until they are done. But this is a lot to do and I can't just snap my fingers and have it taken care of.
Except that, I could. I could just put everything out as a curb alert, or ask my brother to help take it all to a thrift store and it would be gone.
I don't know how this became my life, why this responsibility fell on me. It kind of sucks and does not help my mental illnesses in any way at all.
4:25 PM - Friday, Mar. 26, 2021
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