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the stars are aligning to kiss my ass
I took the last two days "off". Meaning, I didn't work on selling for ebay. I had 8 packages to send out the day before and it took up most of my day.
Selling has become a job, and I hate sales, but it's kind of what we have to do to make any money. And I'm kind of good at it. We've been selling online since the late 1990s. It's helped us make ends meet more than once. I have made more money selling on ebay these last few months than I did at the end of working at the hotel. I'm taking the chance that the IRS won't find out. Me and about ten thousand other sellers on there. Any time people find a way to make some cash under the table, Uncle Sam has to come by and set the fucking table on fire. Certain types of people are not supposed to get ahead in this game.
So, my days off...yesterday I sewed patches on my jean jacket (finally) and I got a new backpack so I put a patch and some pins on there. I do not know why I am like this. I can't just buy something generic, off the rack so to speak, and wear that and be happy. I always have to personalize my clothes, jackets, bags, and sometimes my shoes. I don't know if it's a very deep seeded need to be creative in all aspects of my life, or to rebel against normal society, or to express myself as an artist or a mental illness about needing attention and then getting angry if someone notices me.
I remember not long after I had moved out, I came back to visit and went to a Borders Books. I ran into a friend from high school there. She said she saw my painted mini-van in the lot and knew exactly who that car belonged to, so she started looking for me in the bookstore. She was right. There I was.
I don't know why I have this compulsion to make my things MINE. Like an animal pissing everywhere to mark territory or something. I don't know.
I started doing some collage on the plain light switch covers. Mod Modge and paper and eventually clear coat. I made a few for our home in Roch, but I left them behind. It's not a big loss because those were just pretty paper, the ones I started yesterday are actual little one a kind scenes.
Today I weeded the garden some. I worked on decorating the box I keep my tarot cards in with some distress ink. I worked on some poems. I ate Dirt Burger, which I don't know if that is a chain or a local place but it's an organic vegan burger place and it's yummy.
And I thought a lot about a lot of things. Where I was last April compared to now. The hells I've been through and how this tiny oasis of semi-calm feels like Shangri-La compared to my existence in the past year.
And, I need to come up with a name for this house...
7:30 PM - Thursday, Apr. 01, 2021
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