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every day is a very dangerous day
So, I haven't had a cell phone for many months now. My free government phone that I've had for ages was 3G, and there's no tower here so it doesn't work. I tried to call and get them to upgrade my phone, but I didn't have some code I was supposed to have, and everything is always so complicated, so I just gave up.
So, no cell phone. I don't need one, because absolutely no one contacts me. The only time I really need one is to call a cab when I'm out, but I don't go out.
In this age of pandemic and home delivery, we get almost everything brought to our front door. Health food from amazon prime, local produce delivery, distilled water in 5 gallon jugs, cat food, bird food, clothes, soap, medications, vitamins...
Pretty much anything you can order online and they ship it or drop it at the front door. It's great for those of us who hate driving and aren't ready to re-enter the world of owning a vehicle. Great for those of us with PTSD and agoraphobia that physically have a hard time of leaving the house.
People joke about Iowa drivers, but really, everyone here drives unbelievably bad. It's scary bad. I think it may have something to do with them selling booze EVERYWHERE. Gas stations, pharmacies, grocery stores...it's crazy. After living in MN where they require separate entrances to all liquor stores and until recently didn't even sell booze on Sunday, this booze everywhere all the time thing is just freaky. There's a LOT of drunk driving going on here. All the time.
Moving to Iowa and trying to sober up is about as easy as going to Ireland and trying to sober up. Instead of pubs on every corner, there's booze in every store.
Even the cab drivers here are scary. Either totally spun or obviously buzzed. I have decided it's better to just stay home and let the professionals bring me everything I need.
I'm old. I feel old. I think about getting one of those flip phones they advertise for old people because now that I don't get government assistance, I don't qualify for a free phone. And it would be a smart phone anyway. And I really am not ready for that.
I used my phone more in Denver than any other time almost in my life. I slept with it on, next to my side of the bed, because my friend would text at any time, and texting with him was the only thing that was keeping me from taking razor blades to my wrists. 2AM, Noon, 6PM...he had absolutely no schedule, and it all depended on what drugs he was on, when he woke up and how needy he would be. I would start to hear the text notification sound all the time. Even when my phone was off. That used to happen to me when I had been texting a lot. Phantom noise. It really started to bother me.
Now that I haven't had a phone in months, I don't have that happen to me. I have a rotary phone in the kitchen and it has a real bell inside. When the phone rings I jump out of my skin because it's so loud and so REAL. But it's not going to give me cancer. And when I don't know who is on the other end of the line, for some reason, there is less anxiety about answering. And it's crackly and old sounding and I think it really throws people off who call me. Not that many people do.
I've called a cell phone from that phone, and I thought it was the craziest thing ever. But, the other person was less than impressed.
So, there's no cell phone. No friends. No phantom noises. No having to help people when they need it only to be mistreated when I need help. I left the house today, to return some packages to a UPS drop off at the CVS pharmacy. And I think it's the first time I've left the house in a month. Seriously. Aside from shoveling the sidewalk, which isn't really leaving the house, and going out to feed the birds and take out the compost (again, not technically leaving the house) I have been in here for many many weeks.
I could be dead in here, and no one would know. And I don't think many people would care. And that's not self pity or depression, that's just modern life.
Like Rocko's Modern Life, that little wallaby would always say...laundry day is a very dangerous day. Trash day is a very dangerous day....every day he had was a very dangerous day.
That's about right.
2:33 PM - Monday, Jan. 11, 2021
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