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manic revelations
We got the basement done yesterday! Cleaned and emptied. Most of it is in the garage for this year's yard sale. More like the mother of all antique sales, but we will deal with that later in the year.
Now we have to start moving the studio back here. My husband is dragging his feet about calling movers, but I told him...you have to hire someone, I don't have it in me to move your shit again. I said I'd rent a car one more time to get his fragile items but the heavy stuff needs to be moved by someone else. Let them get hurt. It's only going 2 miles, it better go better than the move across the country.
Today I am finally decorating my art studio. I put some things up awhile ago, but the blank walls have been driving me crazy. So this is something nice I'm doing for myself. I got our posters out, found my Kali poster, put it in a frame and hung it with some fake roses. It's nice. Michael's crafts had a sale on fake flowers for spring, and I bought a ton. I found many wreath forms in the basement, and I am planning on chopping up the fake flowers and making wreaths. At least one for each season, for the front door.
I probably went overboard on buying the fake flowers, but I can make some wreaths for other people that way. I had a nice stash of fake flowers that I got from the dollar store back in Roch, but I gave them away in Denver. I got rid of a lot of things I wish I hadn't because I was trying to make it so we could stay there. That apartment was so cramped and disgusting and there was no room for anything that made me happy. That's how I felt. Most of my things didn't even get unpacked the whole time we were there. Which, considering how badly the movers packed things, was probably a blessing.
When I went to the dollar store here, I was disappointed with the shitty selection of fake flowers. The dollar store in Roch was obviously pretty high end. The one here is kind of crappy and disgusting and they don't have nearly as much things. And hardly anything nice. Guess that's one of the differences between Des Moines and Rochester. This is definitely a poorer area. There were hardly any communities this poor back in Roch. The poor people were huddled together in tower block type apartments or in the woods and just came into town to get food and showers. It's cheaper to live here. A lot of people don't get paid much. There are houses here that look abandoned, but there's a car in the driveway and lights go on and off. People in different economic classes care about different things. It's a chicken/ egg situation. I don't know how to correct these sorts of things.
I have been working my ass off for most of a year. The last few months, especially. No days off. Work at least a little bit every day. Disgusting hoarder clean up work . Made all the worse because it was my parents' hoard, and now it's my problem and I so don't want to be here, but here I am. I have to take more time to do things I enjoy now that I finally have some room and my supplies are unpacked and I have some personal space.
I have to keep reminding myself of all the problems back in Rochester, because they were many and un-correctable, but I miss that place every day. I miss the people I knew and the co-op, the farmer's market. I miss my therapist, even. And how everything I needed was so close. Walking distance.
Mostly I miss the trees. I am eager to watch the trees we planted grow this year. And to plant the ones I ordered for the spring. I'm not exactly trying to re-create my home in MN, but I do miss my trees. This property used to have so many bushes and trees on it, and now it's totally open and it's awful. With the 24/7 crack house across the street, we need a natural fence behind the chain link we have.
Having a fence all around this property is definitely a big benefit to being here. We are one of the only ones in this neighborhood with a complete fence, and I am so very thankful. People really do stay the hell away from the property because of it. You can't argue. If you are inside the fence, you might get shot in the face, because you don't belong here. We have padlocks on all the gates except the front one. I don't know how else to say, you're not welcome here.
Maybe that's a bad way to live, but until my PTSD gets better, these people are lucky I don't walk the perimeter with a shotgun pulling weeds with a machete.
You know, like my neighbor in Rochester used to.
3:20 PM - Monday, Jan. 18, 2021
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