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that's inappropriate
My oldest brother helped me donate to the DAV yesterday. I filled up my rental minivan, he filled up his minivan. It was a lot of stuff. And it was just one room of work. A lot of work. But my husband and I were able to set up our own bed, and now that room is like the before and after of an episode of "hoarders".
I am trying not to be angry because I know that's a waste of energy. But, I did come down here many times in the last two years to avoid the very situation I am in right now. I tried to come here, clear out the house of my parents' things, convince my husband that we can't really afford to live on our own....everything I knew would happen has, and I am angry at myself the most for not just bitch slapping all these stupid men in my life and saying...this is how it's gonna be if you don't listen to me and do what I say.
I miss hearing from Big K. Almost every day I texted with him. He helped me survive the snakepit that was Denver with his humor and kindness. It's weird to me that doing something friendly like sending sunflowers to a friend would make someone flip out and be an asshole, but I don't think I understand people very well. I am sick of hearing how my behavior doesn't make "sense" to someone or how "inappropriate" I am.
I do miss him, even after all. My cell phone is out of order here and I don't have the energy to call the company and work it out. I wonder if he's even texted, or if he's happy to just let me disappear.
My husband said the voices in his head disappeared once he got here, but he is out of meds now, there's an issue getting his prescription filled because of his stolen medicare card, and I am dreading the next few days.
Ever since I got off the birth control pills my libido has come back with a vendetta, and my bipolar disorder seems directly tied in with my menstrual cycle, but right now all I really want to do is lick a man from top to bottom then suck his cock like a candy cane only to end up with my knees folded behind me like an Origami crane until I squirt off the mattress in a puddle of happy fun time purejoy.
But it could just be stress. And it's not gonna happen. So I'll just get drunk and stoned, because it's better than just being crazy. And if I never come back, wherever I end up at, is where I am supposed to be...
3:57 PM - Wednesday, Sept. 16, 2020
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