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so tired
Last night neighbors by this Airbnb had a party in their garage starting at about 1 AM. They played loud thumping music along with the clack clack clack of foosball and yelling for hours. HOURS. It was impossible to ignore. I didn't get any sleep hardly. Now, a neighbor two doors down is having a garbage fire.
This is the EXACT shit we are trying to get away from in Minnesota. This neighborhood was so quiet until about 2 days ago. Now it's like my neighborhood at home got transplanted here and I am in hell. Today we dropped things off at the new apartment, and it was like every apartment building was having a party out on the parking. Every tenant on every building was sitting in lawn chairs in groups getting drunk and stoned, and I was like...WTF people? Social distancing? Isolation? Is that even a thing now?
I feel like an ass for traveling, but I can't hold out here. I see all these people having parties in groups, and I don't think me trying to get home will make any difference. I can't stay in this Airbnb for much longer without totally losing it. It's OK, but it's tiny, and it's not home, and I need to get somewhere familiar and do something familiar before I get picked up for a total bipolar meltdown.
We are planning to head back to MN tomorrow.I am exhausted, this vacation has been shit. It's not a vacation. I have had hardly any relaxation, any fun.I am finally getting over my totally extreme vaginitis, which is a fancy word for total fucking chemical sensitivity, but now I have to travel. Again. I am worn out and have to travel across a country in the middle of the zombie apocalypse and then back in a few weeks?
Is this really happening? How the hell did I get stuck out here? Why is my timing so completely wrong? I don't want to get sick and die, I don't want to make anyone else sick, but I just want to be home. I want to be back at that shithole of a house and sleep for a month.
But I am supposed to pack up my house and get a rental car back to Colorado in a month and drive back here and wrap everything up and it's crazy. Not unlike the blind leading the blind, it's the crazy leading the crazy. I can NOT make good decisions now. I can't do a damn thing. Maybe I should just stay here and die. Maybe it's just what I am supposed to do.
For fuck's sake. I've heard everything from this virus is an alien plot, to this is what 5G is doing to people, to it's germ warfare, to it's part of the end times...seriously. Shit. I just want my life back, so I can start the next phase of my life before I am dead.
8:46 PM - Sunday, Apr. 05, 2020
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