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oh, is that all?
What an up and down bipolar roller coaster sort of day. Yesterday was just so nice. I got to talk with a friend, I took a long walk, I smoked a cigarette in the graveyard at sunset. Just really mellow and happy. One of the nicest days I have had in months.
Today I found out I got on SSDI! Just like that. Bam. Backpay showed up in my bank account, so I went online and found my award letter. They just made their decision yesterday, so I should be getting snail mail soon. But holy crap, everything in life is so very very difficult, and I get on it just like that. No interview or anything. There is a huge weight lifted off my neck and shoulders. I think I am still in shock. I don't have to look at every "We're hiring" sign in town and think to myself, "Could I handle working there? Would I make enough to pay my bills? Am I going to lose my total identity and lose my mind here?" So thankful. So very very thankful.
And then the other shit....I don't even know what to say. Don't want to say a damn thing. Things get worse before they get better, usually. Keep looking forward, far forward, to the future and hope it's a shiny as you imagine. Hope your psychic friends are right and everyone is going to get some peace and some happiness before the whole shitbox goes up in flames.
5:36 PM - Thursday, Feb. 06, 2020
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