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look it up
Really on edge. Not feeling well. Not mentally. Physically. Totally paranoid. I hate this time of year. This year is worse than usual. Just random shit. Lots of little shit. Just worn out from trying to live a healthy life.
They released some sort of new Chaff (look it up) into the air over Illinois on Dec 10. On the 12-13th there were air quality warnings here in Rochester, MN. We can usually see the downtown skyline from the kitchen. Those days we couldn't see shit. “Particulate Matter” was in the dangerous levels. The National Weather Service told people to avoid going outside. What gives the government the right to do this shit? I never agreed to be some fucking guinea pig. Air, water, food. We are so totally fucked!
Trying to figure out how to make a PDF from Linux programs is a fucking bitch. Staring at the LuLu.com (look it up) template for making my poetry book and the words just all blend together in a fucked up swirl. I am not a computer programmer. I can barely use a computer, to be honest. My husband said he'd take a look at it for me, but I wish I could do these things by myself. I am not technical AT ALL and he is rewiring the house, building synthesizers, making circuit boards, writing computer programs. Eh. Yeah. We all have our special talents. Whatever.
We have new neighbors. There's a U-haul sitting in the driveway. Has been all day. I am stressed because the last ones were so horrible. Kept their floodlights pointed at my house all night long. Had fires every day, every night, burning toxic shit to get the ash so they could make meth (look it up). Or...maybe the upstairs lady there is moving out and the place will be empty. That would be great. Who the fuck moves in the middle of the week in the middle of the month in DECEMBER?
They changed the ingredients in almost all the beauty products we use. The so-called alcohol free witch hazel now has phenoxyethanol in it. That IS a type of alcohol. A really bad type. Now I know why I've been having skin problems. And my husband has been having even worse health issues. They also put it in the lotion I was using. Products I have been using for many years, suddenly they change and they make me sick and I have no alternatives. And it happens all the time. More government science experiment shit.
Why the fuck do I seem to know about all this sort of shit that no one knows about, or if they do know about it, don't care? Why don't I not care? Where the fuck is the off switch?
5:49 PM - Tuesday, Dec. 18, 2018
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