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the christmas pillow story again
My husband really hates "the holidays". I can't blame him. He's reacting even worse to the holidays than usual because his dad's visit in the summer. It's like a fresh wound.
I knew he had nothing growing up. But it's hard to actually imagine. Nothing. Literally nothing. The clothes on his back, and that's it. Sometimes he had more. Usually not.
I wish there was something I could do, but there isn't. When we were younger I used to try to decorate the house a little bit. We got a tiny fake tree and I had ornaments from when I was young. I'd give presents to everyone. Bake cookies.
It just upset my husband, so little by little, it all dwindled down to what it is today. Which is nothing.
And that's OK. I don't really care to be part of the mass hysteria of this time of year.
I don't want to remind him of how awful his childhood was. It's so sad to hear that story of how one year he got a pillow for x-mas and how happy it made him. Because he was sleeping in a horse barn with no heat and no blankets and nothing but his clothes on his back in Alaska in December. Just him, his dad, and a litter of kittens living in someone's barn.
And if I ever bring anything up about the holidays, that story will eventually surface. How could it not? And that's pretty much the best x-mas he ever had.
And now he has a real issue about having a nice pillow. And I don't blame him. Every now and then, when his pillow starts to get flat and won't floof up at night, he starts to freak out. It's about time to go find a new pillow, but we sure as hell are waiting until after the mad Christmas shopping rush.
Christians like to talk about their savior being born in a barn and all that, but that's just a myth. To make a kid grow up like that for real, that's just fucked.
My husband was abandoned by his mom and had to live with a barely functioning schizo who dragged him across the country every few years and no one ever did anything to help.
Except me, I guess. I'm still trying to help. I'm trying to not make things worse.
8:33 PM - Sunday, Dec. 23, 2018
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