----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- circa 1994 Made the mistake of going on Youtube and saw Green Day interviewed on some CBS morning show. I guess "Dookie" turns 30 this year. Green Day has always been in the pop-punk category, but it's still weird to me how acceptable they are in pop culture. Lately I've been getting constant reminders of how old I am. And the only thing wrong with that is when you compare how things used to be to how they are now, it's a major downer. Maybe that's how all old people feel. When I was in high school one of my friends in photo class had an 8 track recorder at home, and we had an 8 track player in the photo lab. She taped off Green Day's self titled album and brought that in (the one with the potted flower on the front), and we would listen to it over and over again while we processed film, because it was one of the only 8 tracks we had there. Of course back then, everything was analog, no digital cameras. They existed, but they cost a small fortune. We were all working on black and white film in SLR cameras, developing our own film and processing our own photos. And dancing out to Green Day. That was about 1994. I graduated High school in 1995. And I just realized that means next year is my 30th high school reunion. Not that I would go, or have ever gone...but of course I am curious how everyone's lives are going. The people I liked, and all the people I didn't like as well. I wonder how many of them are dead, because a lot of people I've met after high school died already. I think the most difficult thing for me about growing older is how little I feel like I've accomplished. No job, no career, no family, none of the things you're "supposed" to have experienced by now. I many ways, I have always lived like a teenager. I have to wonder how much of that is my mental illness, and going for so long not knowing what was wrong with me. Or if I'm just a big loser and all I am here for is to clean up after other people. How much of my existence is due to where I live, or just general lack of ambition. If I am honest with myself, I don't want much out of life. Especially now as I get older. I've always just wanted to exist in some form of happiness, and I've always been made to feel like a loser because of that. It's been said that the worse thing you can do is compare yourself to anyone else. It would be nice to say that everything happens for a reason, and I am right where I am supposed to be, etc... but honestly, I can't say those things with a straight face anymore. 9:32 AM - Saturday, Jan. 20, 2024 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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