----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- you can't fight city hall I stopped the Latuda already. It was making me extremely suicidal and so tired. I took it around noon and by 3 PM I was so tired I had no choice but to sleep and then I would sleep until about 7PM, make dinner, and go back to bed. If I am going to sleep that much, I might as well be dead. I stopped yesterday, and immediately I feel so much better. Just like that. Night and day. It was only a few days, and I don't need to hear how medication takes 3 weeks or more to take effect. I felt so awful, there is no way I am going to keep taking it. Luckily, all it seemed to do is give me extreme blurred vision, confusion, and exhaustion. I did feel less angry, but that could just be that I am trying my best to reprogram myself in how I react to all the shit this world dishes out. When I take medication, I get to a point where there feels like a warning switch in my head. Or a big flashing alarm going off that's letting me know that if I keep taking it, I am going to be really sick. Maybe it's part of being Bipolar, because my husband said he doesn't feel that with medications. I had that impending doom feeling on Latuda already. So I'm done. I have never found anything that helps with depression, and as far as I know there is no medication for mania. I still have my beta blocker for anxiety. It's take as needed, and it's OK. It doesn't make the anxiety go away, but when I am anxious if I take it, it's like the anxiety doesn't keep going past the red line. The chart of anxiety levels off, and like I said, its OK. Just OK but not bad. I would give almost anything to be normal. I know, I know, who is normal? Not me, that's for sure. I mulched the roses today. My husband actually helped, which hasn't been happening. I am hoping things will get better with us. Soon I have to start moving my plants to make way for the big bad city. I hope I don't have a heart attack or something. Hope in one hand and poop in the other, see which one fills up first. 1:11 PM - Tuesday, May. 16, 2023 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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