----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the now I had a dream that Scott Weiland was back in STP and he was making a song from a passage of David Bowie's new autobiography. The last line of the song was "..and I survived because there was someone to love me." So when I woke up and realized they've both been dead for several years it was a real downer. I saw a video for "NIN Alumni" where Trent got old members from all his band's incarnations together to play a show. It wasn't great. It made me feel really old. And for some reason Trent Reznor was wearing a chunky scarf and to me it was deeply disturbing. I pictured him and his family walking through an outlet mall looking for winter coats for the kids while he sipped on a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks. I don't know what's up with that. However, after seeing that video I did add the NIN album "year zero" back into my IPod. I don't remember the last time I listened to it, but it's been awhile. Whenever I see it in my stack of NIN CDs I can't ever remember what songs are on there, but then when I hear it I always get some major flashbacks and it's like... oh yeah..how the hell could I forget? It came out in 2007 reads the copyright on the back of the album so yeah...how the hell could I forget? I thought back then that times were dark, and now after it all they don't seem so bad. Not that I am whitewashing anything, but in comparison, I mean...holy shit we didn't know how bad it was going to get. Just like we are spared now how horrifying it's going to be in the near future. Wait for it...and just try to enjoy now, even though it's shitty, it could always be worse. They say things get worse before they get better. It's darkest right before the dawn. All that jazz. I do know that any strategic military operation happens right before dawn, when people aren't prepared and their minds are used to being asleep, even if they awake. Certain memories I can only access when hearing songs from the year zero album, apparently. Which is OK, because that's how it is. NIN really isn't that great overall, I know this, but they've been the soundtrack to my life movie for so long that they are very comfortable to me and the songs definitely have some power for me, which makes it good music to me. I do know that album has a lot of noise and it's so surreal in an excellently euphoric way to be walking through these average American neighborhoods hearing this multi-layered insanity of melody and knowing that most of the average people in their average jobs with their average dreams and average comprehension have no idea what's going on inside my head. Floaty. It's floaty. It brings me back to when I was rolling all the time and doing DMT and walking around like that was just my normal state. Walking around Roch in the early morning before anyone was up and I hadn't slept yet and it was so empty and peaceful except for the noise in my ears. Then I would stop the music and the silence would cut through my brain like a razor blade and it was beautiful. And I would just sit somewhere alone and watch the average people wake up and get started on their average weekday before I went home to rest. Sometimes I really wonder how much time I have left. How much time any of us have left. I never used to give it any serious thought, but now that I am older...death is closer, and I have to get to work now. 2:00 PM - Tuesday, Oct. 04, 2022 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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