-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Personality Disorder"
I am trying to be
a worse person.
That's a funny goal.
Funny ha ha
funny strange
unique state of being
never heard that one before.
It's not
easy for me
it goes against everything
I have been but
I know
it is what is required
now for survival.
Disordered personality
rearrange myself down
to the most basic
of programming
and then boot up the
nervous system
once again you
did this to me you
gave me this disease,
safe sex is all well and
good well what about a
prophylactic for a
too sensitive soul?
This un-bettering of self,
I am making it work
a little
more day after day.
Not quite silent spring
in my head yet
but I'm trying it
the old-fashioned way
straight up
un-altered
not faded
fake it 'til
you make it
even though
for now
it is a
major strain.
I am not so stupid
to not realize
major shifts of
de-evolving do take time.
Takers taking never
stopping once
to give
me anything but
sorrow
and maybe a
stale breadcrumb.
Gaslighting
cognitive dissonance
psychobabble
bullshit.
All modern-day trickery
and ways of making
the simple complex and
the complex non-existent.
You are just an asshole.
Point blank
blank stare unaware
of what is obvious
to people that still have
feelings.
I'm getting there
I swear it
I can't
wait to
get to that point
along side of you guys.
You feel bad until
you get
your next hit of shit
and then it's back
on the horse
so love hungry you could eat
a whore or wait was that
get on one and ride
out of town?
The exits are clearly marked
so
get the fuck out of my heart
you are so
broken
you belong in the dumpster
with all the other junk.
You are like a spoiled cat
you just want what you can't
have until you have it,
then it's as good as dead.
Anything else that is
offered is unwanted but
you'll take it because
it has an invisible
price tag attached.
Sell out your friends for
the lack of anything
better to do.
Maybe I'm being too
harsh?
Goody
goody gumdrops
and unicorn farts
see I told you
I really am
making it
toward my goal.
11:51 PM - Thursday, Aug. 26, 2021
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------