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the one per cent
My neighbor died last month, but I didn't find out until last Saturday when her family showed up and chucked everything into a U-haul. Anything they didn't want, they chucked into the front yard. And most of it is still there, because most of it is broken, garbage. In addition to that, we had a huge rainstorm that night and everything got drenched. Thanks for that. I love living in a landfill.
This lady was the mother of the girl I played with all the time as a little kid. I never really liked her, and I never really liked the little girl, but there's something to be said for children that they are so accepting of people, or of reality. I don't know.
It just made me realize, yet again, that change is the only constant and also this neighborhood isn't like it used to be.
Seeing how they could clear out that house in one day lit a fire under my ass to clear out the garage. Anything we didn't want ended up in the garage to the point where we couldn't get in through the side door and it was a towering mountain of stuff almost to the roof. The house is almost clear, and now the garage is too. Thinking back to how this place was a few months ago, this is a big deal.
I know how hard I've worked, and it's part of why I am so tired all the time. 99% of it has been me. That's the story of my fucking life. I've just accepted it. I really do not expect help anymore. I'll still ask. Like asking for a ride to the DAV. But I have lots of other backups in mind for when that help doesn't materialize. 99% of the time it doesn't. And I no longer waste time getting upset. I just get it fucking done alone.
My brother did help me take yet another full minivan load to the DAV today. Amazingly. I only had to postpone it twice. I think that is 7 van loads now. I am so very tired. And I am sick of stuff. Stuff. Things. Having to clear this house might make me a minimalist yet.
My brother told me my walls were scary. He said my house was scary. Well if your home is supposed to be a reflection of yourself, then I guess it fits.
I am scary. And too honest. And too intense. And too fucking bad for everyone that isn't me.
4:33 PM - Tuesday, May. 11, 2021
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