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drunk punk strikes again
Where I came from is on fire.
that's a lie.
Where I came from has no knowledge of what's going on less than 80 miles from them. But where everyone thinks I am from is on fucking fire.
Where I am, people are letting themselves get tear gassed for two nights in a row. I wonder why. Why aren't they wearing gas masks and taking up arms in a way that matters.
It all feels like a farce.
there are helicopters circling the 'hood here. I live about 5 blocks from the capital in Denver. I can smell the tear gas.
And internally, I am just as crazymixedup. Been texting with BigK since first thing this morning. He tells me he's happy to know me. Asks if I am OK, and then disappears.
I tell him to visit us for my bday in July, and he says yes yes and then is gone.
Deep down I know he just wants to fuck my husband, and I'm just some second hand prize, and what is wrong with me that that is all OK as long as he tells me he loves me again.
My husband is just as crazy.
And what does that make me.
Life in real time is just unreal.
Maybe I should just give in and be a tweaker asshole bitch cunt from the midwest here in the big city and die in the ditch like some loyal dog.
And did I mention some guy tried to attack me in the 16th street mall yesterday? Just life in the big city. Heat and assault and tear gas and the bipolar roller coaster that makes no stops in covid-19 riot town.
I ordered pepper spray and some pointy karate stick thing that goes on your keychain from amazon cuz this guy scared me so much.
I don't know if I am cut out for this.
I tried to call a crisis center and they said (and I quote) "you are too articulate and coherent for us to send anyone to your location."
yeah.
And this is how people end up homeless or dead or both.
I miss the comfort in being sad. Back when sad was an option, and not just 24-7 real life.
11:08 PM - Friday, May. 29, 2020
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