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everything in its proper place.
My husband is still dope sick. He's past the sweating/ freezing and shitting/puking stage and now he's just into the psychotic phase where he's feeling the effects of being on meth for several months in a row and he's fighting the urge to go get more. Addiction is so fun. Especially for those around the addict.
And I ran into our friend Big K today. He's looking particularly fried. I think he's missing some teeth. He has a phone now, but I forgot to get his number. I don't know why I didn't, and I really wish I had. He just kind of freaked me out for some reason today. He told me that the plants at the civic center grabbed him and pulled him off the stage because they were mad he wasn't picking up the garbage in them, and that's how his leg got all gashed up. Somewhere along the line he's turned into one of those crazy hobos that never tells the truth, instead they tell you a funny story and tries to make you laugh. Then he told me some guy chopped up his entire family in the neighborhood recently. Then he started talking about Bob Dylan. I honestly don't know what to believe anymore.
But I told him he could sleep at our house once in awhile. And I don't think my husband is too happy with that. He is always getting on my case that I don't like it when people are here, and he feels like he can't bring his friends over. And it's bullshit. I have told him, yelled at him, millions of times, that I surrender. I don't give a fuck anymore. Bring over whoever you want. There's nothing I can do about it anyway. But he never has.
So, I've concluded that he really doesn't want people over here either. But, it's so much easier to blame the wife. Say it's all my fault that so and so can't be here. That I am the reason he can't have any friends. And it's also a way to say that the only way he can have friends is if he goes out. It is all total bullshit.
And frankly, I would like to be rid of everyone. Every single one of them.
I was carrying around a bracelet to give Big K, but after seeing how messed up he was, I didn't give him anything. What this guy needs is to be off the streets for a while. A bracelet isn't going to do shit for him except maybe piss him off.
He's like one of those stray cats that live in the neighborhood. You see it out at first, and it's not too bad, but the longer it stays out, the dirtier, nastier, meaner, crazier it gets. And then one day, when it cuts through your yard, you barely recognize it, you look it in the eyes, and it looks right through you.
5:18 PM - Thursday, Oct. 17, 2019
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