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vent
There is so much to do, and neither of us are capable of doing it.
We got a truckload of cedar planks and cedar posts and 90 lbs of cement because I want a privacy fence between me and the motherfuckers behind me. It's now just sitting in the yard. Everything involved was a nightmare. I had to rent a monster truck, had to drive to a hick town to get the fencing. Then right after we got home and unloaded the fencing, husband went psycho and disappeared in the woods for six hours, even though we still had to go get the posts and nails, etc. and we only had the truck for one day. That meant we had to rush off in the morning before I had to bring the truck back, and he had the nerve to blame me for the lack of time, so I turned around and almost left him at the hardware store. It would have served him right. And that turned into a horrible fight where everything is always my fault and I am so fed up with schizophrenia. Really just done.
There's been a sink in the back seat of my car for two weeks now. We need to replace the sink in the bathroom, and we got a great replacement for free from some rich person that remodeled. But it's just sitting in the car. I got a metal cart that I've been looking for for years for my paint supplies, and it was so big, I had to re-arrange the sink to get the cart in the car, and even then I had to roll the window down and have the wheels of the cart sticking out so I could get home. A friend gave us a new mirror so we can get rid of the MDF medicine cabinet, and it's just sitting on the floor. We have had a can of paint for the bathroom for several years, and it's just sitting in the basement, unopened.
And I have to paint the cart that I got, because it's rusty and needs work. I have to sand it down first, then spray paint it. Then put it back together.
We need to spray paint the front door screen because it still says "Bitch" on it from when our house got vandalized, like....7 years ago. The screen is just sitting in a cupboard in the entryway.
We have to fix the foundation of the house because squirrels have been getting in and getting stuck in the furnace. They get in the walls and chew and chew. It's a nightmare. Everything is falling apart. Money pit. It's a fucking money pit.
It's so humid and gross the paneling in the basement keeps wicking water and gets moldy and I have to clean it up, but it needs to be removed, but I can't do it myself, and it always has a nasty musty smell down there.
The carpet in the house is disgusting. Just disgusting. I try not to think about it.
We are getting a laptop tonight, because our computer has more problems than I can count. We took apart the old computer desk and are going to build a shelf out of it for the new copy machine/ printer.
The garage STILL needs to be cleared out and things taken to the dump.
And there's more. The lady at the bank gave me attitude today and it took all my strength not to pull her over the counter and spit in her face.
I ate cake today, and had coffee, and gave a pretty amazing blow job, and if I don't have someone be nice to me very soon I'm going to flip out. This is way too much responsibility. I don't have time to do anything creative because I'm always doing this stupid home repair shit. I want to move to a legal state and rent so I am not responsible for anything breaking down or going bad or rotting away and just get high and make out and do art all the time.
4:52 PM - Thursday, Sept. 19, 2019
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