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been living with the same sick
I can't even go outside to take my weekly trash to the curb without seeing something depressing. Everyone here disrespects us. This time, the jackass that mows next door bent our roses back, I'm guessing because he was all tweaked out and they were leaning over the property line a little bit from the rain we had. But, he left the giant maple branch hanging in her tree that is leaning on her electrical wire and balancing over the sidewalk.
So yeah. Tell me it's not personal.
Everyone here is ugly, so they make everything else ugly too. Nothing innocent has a chance here. Everything gets corrupted.
They are building a cop memorial. They are building a mega church. And tearing up a beautiful park and virgin woods to do so.
My mouth is constantly in a frown. I am clenching my jaws all the time. I have bags under my eyes. I always want to cry, but I can't. It is so beyond crying. It's just the total fuckedupness that my life has become and I can't stay here anymore.
Everyone disrespects me here. Cashiers grab their hand sanitizers in the middle of a transaction with me. I say hi to someone that is walking past my house and they just glare at me. Neighbors kill my plants. They park cars in my yard and block me in the driveway. They stare into my windows.
I'm just a worthless fucking dirty hippie bitch cunt. Not white enough. Not christian enough. Not rich enough.
I thought my job was why my self-respect disappeared. Now I see it's just part of the puzzle. Disrespected at work is bad. Disrespected by every single person in town no matter where I go or what I do, that's another.
And then I read random blurbs I know I shouldn't and feel worse. I really don't need a day tripper to make me feel like shit on top of everything else. Good for you, it was just a phase. Go fuck yourself cunt face.
I live in the ghetto, you have no idea. It's gotten into me and made me mean and defensive and violent. I was never those things before.
I don't want to have to go from this hell into the unknown, alone. But I will if I have to.
4:52 PM - Sunday, Jun. 09, 2019
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