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wheel of the year
The sun sets here around 4:30 PM this time of year. It always takes me off guard after the DST change. It's disorienting. From about 4:30 to 5 PM everything takes on this surreal blue color. Like seeing things in full moon light. Only it happens every evening. It's like the only light is the reflection off the white houses, the garages. Residual light. Like drowning slowly in darkness. It's a comfort. It means winter is coming.
And then it's dark. Like, can't see hand in front of face dark. And it gets cold. This week it has been single digits cold at night and the wind howls through the windows and rattles the screens and makes the cat jump from fear.
It gets dark and cold here in Minnesota as winter approaches. We are pretty far south in the state, it gets way worse up North. There is an extremely manic-depressive quality to living here. The summer is non-stop extroversion. After labor day, people start to wind down. And after Halloween, people start to retreat. It makes sense, because November 1st is the start of winter. This time of year, you can go out at 8, 9 PM and often not see a single person, either in a car or walking around. Everyone is inside with every single light in their house on trying not to look out their windows because they are scared of the dark.
People here have huge flood lights that they use to illuminate every inch of their property all night long.
We had a neighbor two houses down that did that. Thank fuck they moved recently. I had to put cardboard over my bedroom window so I could get some sleep. Their lights illuminated our entire back porch and most of our back yard and it drove me nuts. I used to like to go into my back yard in the dark and listen to the nigh birds and try to just BE for awhile. Those people made it pretty much impossible for me to enjoy being in my yard at night. I felt like I was sitting on an airplane runway, it was so bright. Night time is supposed to be dark.
If people are so scared of the dark, or whatever it is they think is in the dark, they need to just do everyone a favor and commit suicide. But I suppose that is the ultimate dark and that scares people most of all.
I've heard that a lot of suicides happen in the winter. People get depressed from lack of sunlight. They get lonely because it's not as easy to go out and interact with people. I know when I lived in Alaska, many people put shotguns in their mouths every winter—but their darkness is a lot more extreme than here.
I am so very much looking forward to this winter. I am fortunate in that I do not have to work this winter. I don't have to walk over a mile in 30 below wind chill first thing in the AM and have my breath come out over my scarf and freeze my eyelashes to my face. So, that will be nice. I will get to stay in and drink cocoa and not get dressed all day long.
I really enjoy the quiet and solitude that winter brings. It's an excuse to experience my true nature, which is solitary and quiet. It's an excuse to do art, because you're stuck inside. There is no garden to tend, the cold kills, and it's treacherous just trying to go out to get the mail, let alone go for a hike.
Every winter I have plans. Art projects that I plan to finish before March rolls around. This winter's plans are very ambitious, and very important, and I will go get started on those now.
7:59 PM - Sunday, Nov. 11, 2018
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