----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's a beautiful world for you (not me) Went for a walk today because the last 2 or 3 days all I've been doing is sitting around watching bad horror movies on Amazon. I have been highly amotivational, and being around my husband is just like being around a giant black hole of Anhedonia. Any effort or joy when output near him just gets sucked into the vacuum and it's just gone. This is my life now. It's not bad enough I have to battle my own depression I have to play tug of war with my husband's moods too. The government states that the air quality is good but about half a block out I had to stop and bend over because I couldn't get a decent breath. I was dizzy, wheezing. It reeks of smoke, the sky is grey...I think they changed what their air quality scale is. It's "good" by modern standards, but it's not good. Definitely not good for you, or anyone who is sensitive to smoke or other particulates. I kept going though. My Ipod can out of charge a few blocks later so I had to walk without music, which sucks because it really helps me keep going and helps me tune out city noise. Put my pepper spray back on my keychain this time, but didn't need it, thankfully. They opened up some kind of "clothing store" at the end of my street. It's a badly run drug front for sure. The grass on the parking is now totally dead from all the people that hang out in front of the store. There is a garbage can and an ashtray by the door. They had the front door propped open awhile back and I saw video games in there. And it reeks, I mean totally reeks of hard drugs. All drugs, really. I got a little contact high just walking past. There is always some shady, scary person going in or coming out of there, and usually there are messed up people hanging around outside as well. It really pisses me off, but there's the crack house across the street so it's not really any different. There's also an "Acupressure and Reflexology" parlor next to the "Clothing Store". When we first moved there I thought maybe it was legit, but then one day they also had their front door propped open and there were a group of Asian women in short skirts and revealing tops wearing 6" hooker shoes so I guess it's just another whack job emporium. Once I walked by there and a tiny little Asian lady was peering out the curtains that cover the window, and when she saw me she jumped back and hid. I got the impression that she wasn't supposed to be looking out the window. The Asian Massage places were all over back in Rochester, but then again, Minnesota has one of the highest numbers of human trafficking busts in the country. I'm sure it's pretty bad here too, though, being right off I-80 and all. All the restrooms along that interstate have stickers in the women's bathroom "Are you being exploited, are you being trafficked? You have rights! Call this number to get help...." etc. This world is going to hell with itself. Either the cops here are really bad at their jobs, or they are all paid off. Either way, it's not the greatest feeling being stuck here with apathetic coppers and hard drug addicts. In Minnesota the cops were super aggressive toward everyone and...I'm not sure which is better. There is no better about this, it's just shitty in a different manner. Too bad this is a backward dark ages state and the "clothing store" can't be a legal marijuana dispensary instead of a hard drug den. I think the government could really use the income to put toward education because people here are borderline retarded. I haven't smoked any weed in I don't know...it's got to be at least a year. Maybe two. I have no idea. I do know that my tremors and trouble sleeping started up right about the time I stopped being able to smoke (or eat) marijuana. And my anxiety is about 300% worse as well. I started drinking more to make up for the lack of weed and that just made everything worse. And now I'm not smoking a damn thing and I'm only drinking coffee on occasion and life pretty much is shit, no matter how I try see it as otherwise. Anyway, I'm sure some ignorant fuck would cry that putting a pot store so close to elementary schools would be a horrible thing, but they are OK with hard drugs and sex slaves as long as they are paying adequate taxes and putting up a good front. Never underestimate the power of denial. Trust me about that. They also opened up the liquor store about a half block away in the other direction from the clothing store. It also sells lots of snacks, candy, milk, pop, etc... I've seen kids going in and out there by themselves. It's still shocking to me, because in MN the liquor stores have to had separate entrances from the grocery and even though they let people bring their kids in with them, they don't usually allow kids in there alone. There's no reason to let a kid into a liquor store. But here they sell booze out on the shelves of the stores. All stores. Even pharmacy stores and discount grocery stores. I saw a bottle of Vodka on sale once for $5. That is the cheapest booze I have ever seen. I've also seen some other people at that liquor store besides ghetto kids. The last time I bought booze there (awhile back now) some guy came in and cut in front of me in line even though I was right in the middle of my transaction. He came running in yelling that he needed a cold bottle of Fireball. (You know, the cinnamon flavored whiskey that makes you puke). He was jumping from foot to foot and totally tweaked out. He just couldn't stop moving. They got him his bottle and rang him up on the other till, but when I went outside his truck was still running and it was full of what looked like teenage girls. Two of them looked like they were nodding off and one of them had her head in her hands like she was about to just pass out. It was very depressing. And...that was the last time I bought booze there. Or anywhere. And I don't think parents should let their kids go there alone. I don't think states should sell liquor out on open shelves, and I think they need to legalize Pot and start being more aggressive about rehabilitation for hard drugs and bringing human trafficking violators to justice. But you know, I'm just a crazy recovering addict, so no one cares what I think... I was telling my husband about the clothing store and how it's gotten really bad up there. Then I asked him if he had plans to go up there. He seemed really hurt by that. I had to ask. I have to be proactive. If I'm stuck here with him, he has to be sober or he's out on the street. He said he had no interest in that stuff at all but you know, he has no interest in anything at all. Thank you, Big Pharma. Life is all about the lesser evil. I wish there could be some goodness, for goodness sake. Don't think it's gonna happen... 2:29 PM - Monday, Nov. 14, 2022 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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