----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- phase distortion A few nice things. A few bad things but that's how it goes. A bird family built a nest in one of our birdhouses. I looked in there yesterday and saw baby birds. That was a nice surprise. Been seeing birds go in and out, but I guess they have babies in there. I bleach-dyed and then made a new art t-shirt. Finally made my Scary Care-bear shirt. I am really happy with it, but it's still more cute than scary. The bleaching could have turned out better, but I think it all depends on the original dye on a shirt. I wore this shirt like, once, and it got a huge food stain on it, so I decided to go for it and modify it and now I think I'll end up wearing it all the time. My motor skills are obviously that of a toddler because I always am spilling food on my chest. Usually I just draw something over the stain and move on. I went through my clothes today and things that I was about to get rid of because they were too small, fit me now, which makes me happy. I have weighed the same for about a year now, but obviously I'm losing some girth, which is encouraging. I don't really care what my weight is, I just need to be less round in places. I haven't really changed too much of my diet, except I have been trying REALLY hard to stop eating so much sugar and processed food. I guess small efforts can sometimes produce large rewards. It's very difficult but I am really trying. Addiction transference is a very real thing. People joke about being caffeine junkies and sugar addicts, but being addicted to food is just as serious to your health as being addicted to any other chemical (natural or synthetic). I traced my addiction timeline from this to that and I already knew it all, but it's something else altogether to actually write it down and see how the progression occurred. Some professionals say that addicts are addicts and you have to find something healthy or "positive" to replace your addiction with. Replace the dopamine reward that's killing you with a less negative dopamine reward. Like junkies that get clean and get addicted to lifting weights or running. Or meth addicts that devote their lives to preaching about Jesus. I would like to think that's just a phase in the long trail of evolution of addict to normal person. It may be better to crave exercise than Meth or a cupcake, but eventually wouldn't it be great to reprogram yourself to not need a reward at all? To go from ring the bell, get a reward, ring the bell, start drooling. To ring the bell, get nothing, eventually the bell means nothing to you at all. Maybe an addict is an addict and the only option IS to find an addiction that is better for you, but I think that's really selling yourself short. In the long run. I guess I may just being optimistic in thinking it's a phase. But I'm usually not optimistic at all, so I'm going to go with it. I also watched a documentary about Yogi Bhajan and it gave me nightmares. I know he's been dead awhile, and I have had nothing to do with him personally, but it really freaks me out that I was on the mailing list of his cult. I didn't know it was a cult. I thought it was an organization devoted to teaching yoga. I mean, I thought they were a little obsessed with the white clothes and white turbans, but they really go about it like it's just an exercise routine and all the lifestyle stuff is optional. I am not looking for someone to run my life for me, I just want to find an indoor exercise routine I enjoy that I can do regularly for when it's too hot or cold outside to go for a walk. I have zero desire for my exercise routine to be tangled up in any way with any sort of spirituality. Yoga altogether creeps me out now. Their organization gave me a Sikh name and everything. I never really put much investment into it. I guess I was just kitchy to me. I did consider going to a yoga retreat at one point though. Glad I never did. Go there to learn some yoga and the next thing they have you in the back of some van taking you who knows where while making you drink the kool-aid and caning you. Good thing I don't wear white and I hate New Mexico. It's scary to me how so many people end up in cults. Looking to be "better" can be a very slippery slope. 4:16 PM - Monday, Jun. 20, 2022 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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