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"I am looking at your mug shot"
it's the only image I have of you except the one that's in my mind. It's frightening what thirteen years can do to a person let alone what we can do to others and what we do for sure to ourselves in that amount of time assault possession thievery destruction follows you wherever you go or maybe you drag it behind you. I ask myself why do I plant flowers when I know they are going to get broken in half by addicts on a bad day and die before their time? I keep at it anyway everywhere I go one of the few things about me that is consistent. It's my folly. By the same esteem why send care packages to indifference? Folly again time and time again. There was once a stray cat in my yard it was howling at the screen and when I opened the door it walked right in to stay. I didn't want to see that look in its eyes getting more desperate day after day matted fur the smell of disease. I have a problem trying to fix the world's problems feed the hungry feed the addictions pay the piper pay off the middle class glass half full guilt of not being that poor anymore. Homeless cats and homeless people can have the same look in their eyes. Do you want a new pet? Feed them give them their vitamins scold them for acting wild. You always made me feel not enough whatever not poor enough not punk enough not drunk enough not tough enough not woman enough and it eats through my heart like corrosives on tissue paper because I know if you had the option you'd be sitting in your pre-fab house hoarding your life away eccentric not crazy class jumping taken to a new level only the reality is that is where you came from not me. Suburban kids gone bad shunned from high society because of a chemical imbalance or a preference toward chemicals shunned from views out the window and college acceptance and nuclear family values to face total nuclear mental meltdown. Some people are glowing from day one. You didn't have a chance can that be an excuse do any of us stand a chance against pre-planned trajectory? Tell yourself it's not your fault tell me you don't care you pull up the sunflowers right after they bloom and I try again next year. Trying to save just one person from themselves is a Sisyphean feat. The boulder never crushes me it just never goes away. This isn't poetry it's prose ask any good editor ask anyone's god-like figure ask your mother motherfucker.
12:24 AM - Sunday, Apr. 11, 2021
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