----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- all my friends are dead I started working on a drawing I've wanted to do for some time now. Not sure why now. I really wanted to draw, and this is what I started drawing. I thought it would help me get over things, but it's making me feel things I don't want to feel. But now that it's started, I feel compelled to finish it. I don't like to leave things done half way. I find it really difficult to come back to something if it's been sitting too long. I think for me, it's really important to use the visual art to work out a feeling and that helps get it out of my system. Cheap and effective therapy. I really enjoy drawing, but I wish I was better at it. I don't practice enough. I logically know that I won't be able to get the tools (pencils, pens, etc...) to react the way I want unless I put in the time and practice but when I produce something less than ideal it's a real hit to my self esteem. I wish I had more raw talent, I guess. But I think that perseverance and practice are often more important than basic talent, in so far as the arts go. You draw 100 things, one of them will at least be decent, right? Back when I used to do analog photography, that's how it was. You'd shoot a roll, two rolls, and you'd get the one shot you were trying for. I really do miss the analog photography process sometimes. We used to talk about getting darkroom equipment back when we lived in Roch. Both of us have experience in analog photography and we had the room for the set up and you can get everything you need off eBay for less than $300. But I guess that was just another in the long list of missed opportunities. We'd probably would have hardly ever used it and would have sold it when we moved anyway. I'm at the point now where I feel almost fear at working on the drawing anymore. It's OK now, but it's not finished and I'm worried I'm going to "ruin" it. Not sure where this uptight wayward perfectionism comes from. Maybe the constant critique and criticism I got as a kid. The process is just as important as the final production. Maybe more so. So often I put my need to be creative aside so I can do the mundane things in life that need to be done. Or I end up taking care of other people to the point where I don't have the energy left to take care of myself. Or I self sabotage by interacting in less than positive distractions. I'm trying really hard to change that. But, this, here, is a distraction, too. 2:15 PM - Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2023 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||