----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sunflowers I hate Facebook. I don't need to be reminded for the rest of existence that it's my dead father-in-laws birthday. Sometimes I think it's been awhile since we communicated, then I remember the death. Death. Lots of death. I've been OCD'ing about Ukraine. I really hate how I can't turn my brain off. I will go for a walk later. Try to do some arts and crafts. The last time there was conflict there I got out my anger and depression through a painting. Already I think I need to do another painting for this war to get out my frustration at not being able to do anything to help. After living through the hell that was the BLM protests in Denver, I don't see how I can NOT have empathy for those in Ukraine. I remember getting tear gassed every night for weeks in my own home. Watching cops shoot out windows in cars trying to hit people hiding behind them. Seeing a man get shot with a rubber bullet and bleed out into a kiddie pool because there was no way to get him through the streets to a hospital. Watching cops pull people out of their homes and start beating them for committing the crime of giving bottles of water to protestors. And the helicopters over head day and night for most of a month. The flash bangs. The yelling. The gunshots. The smoke. The gas. Having 500+ people march right in front of my building, yelling, pushing over signs. Having military vehicles full of troops driving around the streets. Cops blocking off every single alley. Fire departments driving around watering down all the dumpsters because most of them were already on fire. No way home. No way out. The graffiti on all the buildings. The garbage. The human blood and shit all over the ground. Yes, I have some major PTSD. I don't talk much about what I saw there, what I went through. It was happening all over the country. Lots of people had it worse. And now it's all back to "normal." I am thankful I now live here where nothing happens. What we all went through then was nothing compared to what the people of Ukraine are experiencing now. No one should have to go through war. Having our own government fight its own citizens is one thing. Having one country invade another is inexcusable. Especially in 2022. Fascism is not acceptable. Everyone can pretty much agree on that. Don't we have borders and maps just so things like this don't happen? What happened to live and let live? I am ashamed to be an American. My entire life I have been fed the lines that we fight for freedom, for democracy. For people to have the right to choose their own destiny. Let freedom ring. Freedom isn't free. All the cliches and right wing slogans people used to chant in favor of getting involved in questionable situations. We have one of the largest military in the world. We have inserted ourselves in other conflicts to "help", sometimes without even being asked. Trillions of dollars spent on weapons. Training. War. Well. here is a group of people begging for help. Asking only to be able to live their lives in freedom. All of the things they have filled my ears with since I was born. The things this country is supposed to support and represent. And one of the few times in my life I can think of where involvement may actually be justified. And we do nothing. We promise a small amount of supplies. Some small weapons. Maybe they will get there in time. We'll see. You know, we are really busy. We'll try to get around to that... I'm being sarcastic you know. We have all these weapons, all these trained people. I'm not saying wage all out war. It would take so little to end the occupation. A small sign of solidarity with the rest of the world. Putin not only invaded Ukraine, he threatened the rest of the world. Literally. And we are just sitting back and letting it play out because we are weak and scared. Everything they have tried to brainwash into us has been a lie. We don't care about freedom. We don't care about human rights. We don't care about other people. We care about what we can get. Money. Wealth. Power. Biden literally makes me sick to my stomach. He said originally that he would only get involved if a "NATO country" was attacked. Sickening. He is too old to be president, but that's another issue. I don't want to see us get involved in another 30 year war. I hate violence. I hate weapons. War. I am terrified of cops, army. It's all too real. They can make you disappear or worse and no one will ever know what happened to you. I have protested US involvement in other incursions. Other wars. I have stood on steps holding signs. I have signed petitions. This isn't going to end with Ukraine. We are involved, like it or not. We all share this planet. Breathe the same air, drink the same water. We are all the same, at the root of it all. I had a horrible bully as a kid. He was really mean. Finally one day I snapped, grabbed him by his shirt, spun him around and around and flung him into oncoming traffic. The car that was coming had to swerve into the other lane to avoid running him over. Luckily, no car was coming from the other direction. That bully never spoke to me again. Never bothered me. Wouldn't even look at me. He backed down. Even though we went to school together and he lived a few houses down from me. All the horror he put me through, and it was so easy to get him to stop. I wished I had acted sooner. Sometimes there is no good option. Sometimes you have to defend yourself, no matter how non-violent and inherently peaceful you are. That's my opinion. I know most people don't agree. I don't care. We live in a place where it's OK to have different opinions and we can still be friends. I am so angry right now. And feel so helpless. And sad. I think occupation of Ukraine is the thing that finally pushes me off the cliff of agnosticism into full atheistic status. I'd pray for guidance and help, but you know... At least there's always art. 1:46 PM - Sunday, Feb. 27, 2022 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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