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sad sack
I miss Minnesota. I miss my shitty little life. This is just a "devil you know" situation. There are some things I am so glad to not be dealing with anymore. But all in all, I still wish we could have just moved into a different house back in Roch. I miss my so-called friends, and I miss being able to walk everywhere I needed (more or less).
I am so saddened at how expensive it is to live there. For what reason, I really don't know, except it's the city's way of keeping out the "undesirables". Or so they think. Most of them just end up living in communal situations or on the street. The homeless population there increased so much in the last few years. It has everywhere. It's too expensive to live anywhere.
People have to choose between having a place to live and food to eat. It's not dramatic, it's the truth. If my parents hadn't dropped dead and left this house empty here, if my brother didn't hate my other brother and his kids so much that he didn't want to let them live here, this house wouldn't have been waiting for us to move into.
And honestly, I don't know how we would be getting by. Two people living on disability can't even afford an apartment on their own without assistance.
It's been almost a year since we moved in here. I have been working almost non-stop since day one here. I am completely overwhelmed, a little sick, and not mentally well. I am running out of steam on trying to move the plants in the garden, and I'm just waiting for the landscaper to come rip everything out so it will finally just be over with.
I am not adjusting well. That in-between fuck up that was Denver just made everything harder. I wish there was such a thing as a time machine. I'd break the lever on that thing pushing so hard to get back to a place that wasn't so completely miserable and when I wasn't so disgustingly fat.
2:10 PM - Monday, Aug. 16, 2021
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