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marble tulip juicy tree
Sitting here, healing from yet another UTI. I never ever had one until last August. And now I've had about 8 since then. I came off the birth control pills, and less than a week later, I had my first urinary tract infection.
I had no idea what was wrong with me, since I've never had one before. I figured it out, and tried curing myself with herbs for 8 weeks. It would get better, then come back worse. Finally I had to go to a doctor and get antibiotics.
And again. And again. And again.
I woke up at 1 AM last night in pain and knew right away what was going on. I had to go upstairs in the dark and cold (my stairwell isn't heated) and get my medication out of the upstairs freezer. And I just had a breakdown. Sobbing and freaking out. I'm just so fed up with this bullshit.
I am trying to have a good relationship with my husband, which includes having a “healthy sex life” and now that I am off the birth control pills and I actually have a sex drive, I feel like I am getting punished. Fuck and then get fucked.
Yeah, I know that's not how it works, but the irony is not amusing.
I bought some antibiotics from some sketchy Canadian online pharmacy because I've been getting UTIs so often. I couldn't take the stress of going to the doctor repeatedly and only getting 3 days worth of pills and it costing me $36 a visit. I've had 8 UTIS, that's $288 bucks total in about a year. I saved myself some money and very much stress and just got the drugs.
What kind of fucked up backward country is this? Everyone knows the US healthcare system is a major FAIL!
With my first UTI I thought it was from taking a bath with new soap. I never take baths, always showers. It was the first bath I'd taken in months and months. But nope. Kept happening.
I honestly believe I am experiencing side effects from coming of the hormones of the birth control pills. I was on them for about 9 years. The minute I get off them, bam.
I fucking got off pills because of the side effects, and now I have had to take so many pills because of side effects and suffer the side effects of those pills. I'm really about in tears. This is so totally not fair.
I have a doctor's appointment in December for the annual lady parts check up. I've been seeing this lady for a long time, but she's not very useful. I'll see what she can do to help me out, but last time she said to just make sure I was all lubed up because I'm getting older. Crisco? Really? That was her advice. Use Crisco. Condoms and cooking oil don't mix, bitch. And fuck you that I'm getting older. I'm only 42.
I'll get tested for all the STDs. Again. Never had one of those so far. But then again, never had a UTI until last fall, either. I'll get shit for not getting a mammogram. I'll tell her to go fuck herself. The usual.
You know, for living in a town that supposedly has the “best doctors in the world” I sure as fuck haven't met one.
I bought some herbs that are supposed to help re-balance your body after taking hormonal birth control. Maca and Tribulus and Evening Primrose Oil. We'll see. I am hoping that once the pharma gets out of my body, my body can re-balance and heal itself and I won't have to deal with this shit anymore.
I know the pharma is just NOW starting to dissipate because the last two months are the only ones since I came off the pills that weren't 28 days long. I stopped taking the pills on August of 2017, went back on them for less than a month in May (which made me so manic all hell broke loose) and that's been it.
I just hope there's not something more serious wrong with me. Not like any doctor around here gives a shit. Why heal you when they can just keep taking your money by keeping you sick and keeping you coming back? Last time I went in to get checked for a UTI I mentioned that could it be something more serious, and they la-di-da me out the door. So, if this is like kidney failure or something, I hope they rot in hell.
I really promised myself I would stay away from the doctors and clinics. That was part of the whole point of getting off the birth control. It was the only medication I took. I thought I'd be free. Now I'm more tethered to the system than ever.
I really need to fast. Do some ayahuasca or something. I never did get around to it. I need to do something besides antibiotics and adaptagen herbs.
I need to really purge the whole system. I was going to take a mushroom trip this weekend, then this happened. So, now that's postponed. My life is on hold while I heal up. AGAIN.
I don't even want to think about tripping with UTI symptoms. That's just insanity. And I have no idea how the mushrooms would interact with the pharma. I could end up with my head in the toilet all night puking my guts out. If I even made it to the toilet and didn't just puke on the carpet and be too fucked up to clean it up because it looked like it was moving so I just put a towel over it and in the morning find the cat eating it.
Not that that has ever happened.
Man, I am so depressed now.
9:55 PM - Saturday, Nov. 24, 2018
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