-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
waiting for nothing
I don't think you know what it means to care. It's easy to pretend when there is nothing to lose. It must be nice to be in a safe secure place of control. In that darkness you can turn concern off and on like a lamp switch. I think I can force feelings from a piece of flint. I always do. I forget. I forget my place, too. I stay inside my head. Inside my home. And I forget. It is dangerous. They tried to tell me it was dangerous to stay in. But it is worse going out. I wasn't raised like all the other chickens on the chicken farm. I was a duck raised by geese and passed off as chicken at a lower price. We all have our price. I have concluded that I should be content for the weight on my back. Shackles on my heart. It can always be worse. It will be worse. Just give it some time. And how much time has passed already. Year after year the miles grow further and further apart. I could make a road map to my dreams. I could fold it correctly and send it through hermetic tube trail. The empty paper squares on the ground make a quilt. I know that when you stop giving what they want, they turn on you. Stop dealing and they still think you're holding. No one takes my word for any sort of value. I am expendable. I may be fun for a short while but I'm too intense for a full round trip. Turn souls inside out and what is seen. Almost everyone who understands is gone.
9:23 PM - Sunday, Mar. 25, 2018
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------