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the last feed

Many years ago my husband bought me a bird feeder for my birthday. We started feeding the wild birds and critters then.

We are in a direct migratory path along the Zumbro River. The fork of Bear Creek meets the Zumbro about 5 blocks from our house and we get all sorts of migratory birds here. Every year we see new and more birds. We even get mallard ducks and once a quail. Canada Geese fly over all the time.

And so many happy squirrels and bunnies and chipmunks. And even birds of prey like Falcons, Hawks, and Bald Eagles have stopped by.

And now we have to stop feeding them all.

Our neighbor traps birds, squirrels, rabbits...anything he can, and then shoots them with a BB gun until they are dead. He keeps count of how many of what he's killed.

He used to shoot his BB gun directly into our yard and shoot things as they fed from the feeders, and I had to watch them die a slow painful death from a BB shot. I should have given them a mercy killing, but I can't kill things.

But finally after calling the cops over and over and over and over year after year after year he stopped shooting in our yard. But then started “live” trapping. And he insists on putting the trap right at the edge of his fence where we can't help but see it if we go into the back yard, or even look out the back windows or door at all. He likes to taunt the animals while they are trapped, and then shoot them. Then he likes to walk around with the dead animal for awhile.

And it's all legal. Dumb fucking hick town hick laws. We asked him if he would please move the trap where we can't see it and he said outright, “NO!”

Last year he killed a robin. He pulled it out of the trap while it was still alive, and stomped it's head into the driveway with his foot. The neighbor's driveway. He knew we were watching him from upstairs, and he wanted us to see him kill something violently. He's a sick fuck. Who the fuck hates robins? Then he threw the bird away in the neighbors trash. Just sitting on top of the garbage in an open can. We took photos. We called PETA. PETA called the state. The state came and gave him a warning, because Robins are protected under the Migratory Bird Act. That's a federal law, and I am angry he only got a warning.

He's gotten warnings for over a decade about this or that. He can legally live trap and kill with a BB gun, but this was the one chance to get the motherfucker on a real charge. And since he's just an old white man, he gets away with EVERYTHING.

But, Since the robin incident, I haven't seen him trapping or shooting anything. Last summer was the first summer EVER where I felt I wasn't being harassed and bullied. But a few days ago, it all started up again. I wasn't trying to look. I try to pretend he doesn't exist.

Turns out he had a bag full of dead crows and squirrels and bunny rabbits just sitting on his porch. Rotting.

I have to stop feeding the critters and birds because he's just going to torture and shoot them.

It was a great joy to me to wake up to a chorus of song birds all the time. Even in winter. You could hear the birds singing for blocks from my house.It sounded like one of those nature CDs people buy for stress reduction.

Generations of Cardinals and Mourning Doves and Chickadees have raised their families in and around my yard. Blue Jays and Cedar Waxwings, Starlings, Grackles, Sparrows of all kinds. And generations of squirrels and rabbits and chipmunks have lived here. Running around in the canopy of trees in the back yard. Coming up on the porch and literally knocking on our door to beg for food. They are innocent and harmless and now they are almost all dead.

One of my few joys about living here has been taken from me. I feel so completely hopeless and depressed and beaten and broken.

My husband is out there giving them the last of the sunflower kernels and peanuts now. He's going to make a trail out to the rape forest. Trying to lure them somewhere safe. Everyone who is out there is already dead, so we hope it should be a good home for the animals.

The money we would have spent on wild bird food, we are going to put into savings. I have to get out of here ASAP. I can't live here anymore without going totally psychotic. I am hoping in about a year we can save up enough to get a small schoolbus or even just a van. Put the house on the market, and once that sells, hit the road. Buy land in Mexico or Chile or Costa Rica or Brazil. Anywhere but the USA.

This old man IS America. Maybe middle America, but maybe it's like this everywhere.

So, go ahead motherfucking cunts, give me shit for being Vegan. I fucking dare you. This guy doesn't even eat the animals he kills. WHY?

All I can do now is mourn. Like I have been for over a decade. Make a painting. Write a song titled “Vermin”:

No protection
Just profiling and dissection
Too many wrongs,
lost rights
Gnaw through your soul
in the middle of the night

1:43 PM - Friday, Dec. 29, 2017

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