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2017
So, now my husband not only has generalized seizure disorder, as well as generalized anxiety disorder and paranoid schizophrenia, but he now is diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder.
This is what they are now calling multiple personality disorder.
As if life weren't hard enough. Now this.
Not that it's new. He's been like this a long time. He just got a new label.
Hello, my name is total fucking shitbat crazy.
Behavior that I simply attributed to his schizophrenia may in fact be dissociation.
In the past few years I have truly noticed a change in his behavior. I've said to myself that he seems to have two separate personalities. I guess he does. I totally called it.
The losses in memory are not from seizures. Not always. He has huge losses of memory with no seizure activity at all. I guess it's good to know there's a reason behind things.
A real fucked up reason.
A lot of the time I feel like I can't deal with my own mental issues (Schizoaffective Bipolar II, PTSD, anxiety etc...) because I have to take care of his.
And his shrink says there's no treatment. He just keeps filling the Haldol prescriptions and does nothing to try to address any sort of behavior. It's better than being a psycho doctor giggles or something, but I am sick of this shrink doing nothing, as well.
Not even doing talk therapy and trying to figure out the cause of the issues, that's just laziness and lack of professionalism. I wonder what the fuck my husband's sessions are really like. As far as I can tell, this doctor does nothing but listen to my husband freak out and wait for the half hour to be over and then he sends him home to me and I have to deal with it.
I would like to know what caused this. I would like to know how long he's been like this. I would like some answers. But there aren't any.
Just another set of shit variables in a shit life that I just have to learn to accept.
I wish life was not so complicated. I see everyone else out there getting by, and I wonder what the fuck is wrong with us that we can't.
Things are not going to get better this year.
Things will never get better again. Ever.
4:23 PM - Sunday, Jan. 01, 2017
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