-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i tried. i gave up.
This heavy cloak of depression never lifts. Never.
Somedays. Most days. I wish I could be like a "normal" person.
No depression. No hopelessness. No worry. No anything that makes me, me.
To not have TV commercials about abused puppies make you cry. To not feel that anything ever will get better or that anything you do is making any difference. To not feel like there are lead weights in your shoes or that you swallowed a boulder.
To not have this constant pressure on the neck, head, shoulders. This feeling like someone above you, a sumo wrestler with super-human strength, is pushing you down so hard you are leaving crater-footprints in the cement.
And now it's officially winter. Finally got some snow. Cold.
I used to like winter. Now it's just more leafless trees. Barren landscape. Cold heart. Empty head. Stuffy nose. Scratchy mousey voice.
Well fuck it.
Bring it on.
There is a saying in our household:
"It could always be worse."
And that is always such a comforting and scary thought.
12:29 PM - Monday, Dec. 10, 2012
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------