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albino spider things
Sometimes I just get fed up with waiting for people to get what they deserve. Some people, it seems, get away with murder. Some people probably do get away with murder.
How am I not to be sure that I am supposed to be the right hand of god, reining vengeance down on those who deserve it? It was my time and place to put them in their place.
It would be so simple to write off an act I know, or have been conditioned to think is wrong, as doing god's will. Too bad I can't have faith and I can't believe in a god. It's enviable, all these people who think there's something supreme who in the end will make sense of all the wrong and the bad and kiss it all better, take it all away, and there will be nothing but bliss, bliss.
Chaos is the order of the universe. To accept the invisible order of that eternal chaos is to find peace in this life.
Pain is the only constant. To embrace pain is to embrace being alive.
I admit and I know that I have been walking that edge of the left hand path. In the weeds and the dust and the blood and the bad, bad things.
But fuck. She deserved it, and so much more. And it felt so good to do something about it.
Too bad I am now looking over my shoulder, waiting for karma to bitch-slap me. Hasn't happened yet. Maybe there is no such thing.
Maybe luck is just good karma, and over all, I am a very lucky person.
Maybe my initial idea of dishing out some justice was right.
Maybe alcohol has become my yoga, baby.
And I need to go sit still for twenty minutes and think about nothing, instead of obsessing about yesterday and what I did.
7:54 PM - Monday, Sept. 10, 2012
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