-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a buddha says what

Just deep cleaned the kitchen. Cleaned the bathroom last week. It never gets done because I am the only one who does it, and I clean for "a living", so it's pretty much the last thing I want to do when I get home.

But I couldn't take it anymore.

I have GOT to get back to living. Daily mundane shit that is the day to day life. Not that I am the type of person to clean every single day, but I need to be more aware of my surroundings and my place in them.

I think if it wasn't for me, my husband would live in total squalor. I try not to blame the schizophrenia, but I wonder how much of his laziness is his mental illness and how much is just that he doesn't give a shit about anything at all, and that just being an innate part of who he has always been. Love someone only when they're doing ok? That seems to work for every one else in the world.

Finished a painting yesterday. Pretty much not great, but I realize I am really out of practice in painting. Trying not to be too self-critical.

I miss the days of being able to have all the time in the world to do art. I miss having energy and ideas enough to do something creative every single day.

Work just sucks the life out of me. Anxiety and depression too. I wake up every morning more tired than when I went to bed and my body feels like I slept in a cardboard box.

I am hoping if I start taking care of myself this will go away, and it's not something more serious, like fibromyalgia.

10:04 AM - Tuesday, Aug. 07, 2012

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

random entry