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distraction is an obstruction to the construction
Not long ago I was hoping everything would just calm down. I wanted to coast. I wanted the persistent changes to take a break for awhile.
Now I am restless without chaos. I've grown to accustomed to crisis and stress and being up on the edge of terror for so long that it feels foreign to be in a relative state of calm.
I�d still like a calm winter. I want to work my horrible shitty three day a week job without incident. I want the neighbors to mind their own fucking business and stop slaughtering the wildlife, being lawn nazis (with the snow will come the quiet, which is the best part of Minnesota winter). I want my relationship with the husband to keep growing and being blissful.
But inside myself, inside my own little reality and head and body I would like to see some much needed changes. I know that everything is in flux constantly. Just as you think you are in the moment it�s gone and the next one has arrived and it is gone too.
Thinking I can avoid change is ridiculous. Life is change. Constant. Never ending. But as for the major heart stabbing events I�ve been living through for the past few years, yeah, those could take a breather and I�d be all good with that.
9:42 AM - Tuesday, Oct. 20, 2009
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