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retractoration

I alienate everyone with too much honesty. Even Deanna Troi has said that there can be such a thing as too much honesty with humans. And since these fictional characters are my only friends now, I should listen to what they have to say.

It's probably because my family lied to me about every single thing in my life when I was growing up. Now that I am an adult, I don't hear hardly anything from them at all. It's how they keep lying to me. Lying by omission. As a result, I am too honest as some sort of backlash from that.

Went to Quarry Hill park yesterday. Haven't been there in years. I was afraid to. Afraid to see what the city government has done to a place I used to go to several times a month. It was a relief to find out that it was still comforting there. Changed, but not totally destroyed.

We took deer trails through the meadows. Oak Savanna, technically. There was lots of evidence of deer, like fresh poop and torn up earth and flattened herbs where several deer had obviously slept. We found a spot under some oaks and aspens and shared a jay. It was really lovely there. No people.

And I realized that my husband gets lost in the woods no matter where he goes. I thought that since he had grown up living in National Forests at Rainbow Gatherings that he had some kind of skill at walking around undeveloped areas, but obviously, I was wrong. He couldn't even find our way back out to the main trail. I led us in, and I had to lead us back out. Those deer trails wind around a lot, and sometimes they get narrow in tall herbs, but they are still pretty distinct to me.

I don't know how the hell he gets around in the woods when he goes hiking while I am at work. Now I am a little worried. Fortunately, you can't go too far here without hitting a bike path or a subdivision or something. Now I know why when he says he's going for a hike and he'll be back in an hour, it's more like three. He gets lost very easily. I thought it was just that freaky rape woods, but nope. He doesn't have that orienteering skill like I thought he did. Maybe if he had a compass he'd be OK, but I find it's just as easy to make mental notes of things you see on the way in, and turn around and use the same landmarks to get back out.

I guess it's nice to know I am finally better at something than him.

At the park I was sitting on the edge of the quarry I had sat at dozens of time before. A thought came to me that in every experience, there is the opportunity for sadness. That disappointment and depression will be a part of everything always. So, why give that sadness any more power than it is going to have by default? Acknowledge it and move on.

3:21 PM - Monday, Oct. 16, 2017

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